We were wrong

It is difficult to get an un-news story wrong, but the WayneWho staff must admit that our story on Friday of last week was incorrect. The county still plans on misspending American taxpayers money on something other than helping to stabilize local neighborhoods, but it is what they are spending the money on we got wrong. From sources close to someone who once managed inter-office waste collection and receptacle deployment, we have learned that the cover story of a 'clinic' is possibly false. The information only WayneWho has been able to uncover points to something much more wasteful.

The plan, it seems, is to use the 4 million dollars from the Neighborhood Stabilization Program to build a commission retreat that will be know as 'Camp Trigger'. Much like the facilities used by our country's Presidents such as Camp David, 'Camp Trigger' will be the country retreat for our County Commissioners. The retreat, which will be operated at taxpayers expense and be operated more like a commercial day spa, will offer County Commissioners an opportunity for solitude and tranquility, as well as an ideal place to host DRI focused development leaders. The goal is to create a place where commissioners can go to clear their heads and enjoy a hearty meal at the facilities built in 'Sizzler' dinning facility. County Commissioners, obedient staff such as the County Manager, and development dignitaries will be able to regain their mental footing after well deserved massages, steam baths, and colonics. The goal behind the pampering is to help commissioners get their thoughts together to help fix the problems commissioners have created in our local community, and to help them determine the information that local newspapers should print to inveigle local residents.

WayneWho has received exclusive reports from a guy named Eddie that show that this type of pampering may already be working. In anticipation of the new facility being built, it seems that the Commissioners have brought many of the services into their current office facilities to help get their creative juices flowing. We have learned that during one of these 'sessions', a concept for an idea was formed that might actually be used by Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner as a model to save the banking industry. The plan which is being called the "Toxic Asset Resolution Bank And Borrower Yeildance" program, which is more commonly known as the 'TARBABY' program by concerned taxpayers, has been heralded as the best possible solution by bank executives determined to hold on to their bonus packages. The plan which is being reworked on a federal level by a Mr. Brer R. Abbit is to be finalized in the coming weeks and is a plan that all of Osceola can be proud of.

The WayneWho staff would like to apologize for our mistaken report last week and we will continue to strive to provide our readers the most accurate un-news information possible. Our goal is to not get you stuck with bad information.

Thank you for your continued readership.