2007 In Review

We hope everyone was able to enjoy the holiday season to its fullest. The WayneWho staff took some time off and decided to not bother our readers with governmental silliness or political dramas during this time. However, with 2007 drawing to a close and 2008 just a few hours away, we figured it was time to get back to work.

If you have been keeping up with the local newspapers at all, you have probably read the "Year in Remembrance" pieces that they put together as filler this time of year. These pieces are put together so no one has to do any real work requirements over the holiday. In an attempt to keep our unnews stories in line with the "real" media, we would like to take a look back on some of our unnews for 2007.

The year for the WayneWho staff started in March as reports of the demise of Political Activist Doug Guetzloe and his band of merry Ax-the-Taxers filled the airwaves. Of course, what would Central Florida be without the zany antics of Mr. Guetzloe who instead of being silenced, was recently scene at a campaign rally for Mike Huckabee.

In April we had our first court-mandated special election. The newly created districts saw their first election with the District 2 seat being a majority Hispanic district. The first Hispanic was elected to office in more than a decade with much fanfare and celebration. Since that election we would like to note that there has been no radical shift in government as many predicted. Things have basically stayed the same and it has been business as usual. We had hoped for more.

Rumors of a Food Court opening up in Kissimmee City Hall to offset the looming budget cuts were swirling like agitators at the water treatment plant, but the plans never came to be. Depending on how the property tax amendment vote goes, we may still see an Orange-Julius moving in.

The City of Kissimmee decided to put together a Charter Review Committee, but not before making all the changes they wanted to first. They then banned certain parts of the Charter from being reviewed by the hand-picked Charter Review committee. It seems the concept of Democracy is a difficult one for some to grasp.

As the year progressed, discussions on creating and implementing a Fire Fee (Tax) continued to gather steam. In the end, the business community, or as we like to call them - our economy, took the hit while the governments cried about what the State had done to them. The year continued with threats of cutting public safety services if the voters of Florida forced a reduction in taxes by voting for it. While the WayneWho staff understands that services provided by our local governments cost money that comes from taxes paid by our residents, we believe that this year proved that government has lost all touch with reality as it pertains to what services our community demands. Public Safety is the number one request, followed by an effective traffic infrastructure.

Rumors of self cleaning restroom facilities surfaced some time in June. This rumor surfaced after the stinging defeat in the All-America City pageant. It is our belief that the restroom rumor was a decoy issue to divert attention away from the real issue of money spent on entering a pageant when the community was in the middle of a budget crisis. The WayneWho staff would like to know how many Meals-On-Wheels meals could have been served with the money spent on the Anaheim, California junket? Was it really worth it?

June saw the birth of Kissimmee Puppet Commission Theatre which became a great hit in the local online community and gave the local government channel "Access Osceola" a competitive run for its money. Although many that tuned in for the online delights of Kissimmee Puppet Commission Theatre were confused on if what they were watching was real, most realized politics and comedy go hand in hand.

The summer months of 2007 saw local governments deteriorate into a quagmire of ambiguous resolutions and discussions that dealt mostly with the loss of government income and less on what actions government was going to take to insure that service to it residents would remain a priority.

A $200,000 fountain (Aquatic Sculpture) became the talk of the town as Kissimmee prepared to redevelop itself into the next Sin-City. One commissioner declared that she wanted to see fountains all through out the city because they are pretty. The commission threw caution and your tax dollars to the wind and approved the measure.

There were exciting elections in St. Cloud that left a lot of people wondering why School Board members would threaten candidates if they were not in favor in building a housing project in the middle of a residential neighborhood. Was a developer to blame or was there more to the story? Besides all of the silliness, the WayneWho staff believes that this was a great election because of the range of issues and debates that came out during the process. We find it amazing that the current St. Cloud election cycle is probably one of the most boring and issue-less campaigns we have seen in a long time. Elections are about ideas, and from what we are hearing, there are none.

The year ended on a more quiet note except for the fact that the public learned that risky investments made by a group controlling state funds (local tax money) had all but crashed. The state had gambled with our tax dollars and lost, which left the taxpayers stuck with finding a way to cover the losses.

We know that this is not all that happened this year, but the WayneWho staff all agreed that these were some of most striking unnews issues of the year. While the other local news outlets paint a picture of limited success for the year, we think that assertion deserves a challenge. It is too bad the "real" media is not equipped to cover the issues.

Municipal fee poster child

Like it or not, the City of Kissimmee is now the Central Florida poster child for "revenue neutral" fees as a replacement for property tax income loss. Kissimmee was the featured fee-passing municipality in the Sentinel's Sunday article about such fees. In the same article, they noted that the Volusia Property Appraiser has been trying to get an opinion as to whether such fees are legal, and after the state Attorney General declined to weigh in, has now asked for an opinion from the Department of Revenue.

We suspect, and some of the folks on the Topix discussion board seem to agree, that fee adjustment is far from over. Last year it was to overcome "what Tallahassee did to us." This year it's going to be because "property tax revenues declined."

We know the folks in Tallahassee have their hands full with something, but we might have a solution. Require all public safety costs to be payable from the municipality's general fund, as law enforcement services are today. We suspect that elected officials are going to find that their constituents aren't quite as likely to swallow add-on fees that aren't related to public safety.

P.S. There is still time to implement the "out-of-state blogger fee" to recoup some of the costs related to responding to allegations from bloggers who no longer contribute to local tax revenues.

Kid Nation: We've All Decided to Go Mad!

Well, nothing of any substance happened on the final episode of Kid Nation, so we won't bother you with a summary.

You may wonder, and many commenters have asked, why we have we spent so many entries writing about this pseudo-unscripted "reality" show?

Part of the reason was watching a show that we knew was going to be a train wreck before it was ever aired. No one would really leave 40 kids in the middle of the desert, alone, to try to fend for themselves. Since there was bound to be adult monitoring, there had to be adult guidance or influence into how the kid based community would evolve.

More to the point, the WayneWho staff wanted to look at the issue of "experience" as it applies running any type of group or organization. This was a perfect opportunity, pre-edited into small bits, to watch a political experiment unfold. Consider it the "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" experiment for the government/management arena.

What we learned along the way was, whether elected or appointed, the majority of those who had a leadership title expected that the title was what got things done. In most cases, the titled leaders relied heavily on the Journal entry that was provided for them each episode to guide their decisions and actions, very rarely even debating the impact of what the Journal called for. By the second half of the season, the tagline of "we read the Journal..." regularly elicited groans and other sounds of displeasure from the townspeople. As the episodes wore on, we also notice the trend of title leaders defending the Journal and the decision they made based on it with out considering other thoughts or ideas. Alternate points of view were often ignored in favor of the Journal entries.

Should we have expected anything different? These, after all, were individuals who had never done anything like this before. The actions of both the title leaders and the townspeople descended very quickly into an adversarial relationship with only brief moments of unity and teamwork shining through during scripted competitive events. Did the pre-destined class structure of community create the results we watched, or was the outcome created by clever editing?

Meanwhile, the true leaders were, almost uniformly, those who jumped in and got their hands dirty and did the work that, in many cases, others in the town did not want to do. They were recognized by their peers for getting things done and not for debating issues. They were the ones who got things done while the titled leaders claimed the success for themselves. They had no "experience" that drove them to make sure things happened, but more of an uncanny sense of vision and direction. We have to wonder if the Founding Fathers of our Country would have exhibited these same traits as children?

This brings us back to local reality. We have a number of opportunities in the coming year to select those who will represent us in important decisions from the community level to the national level. Many of those who wish to fill those positions will announce to the voters that they have the "experience" to do the job. They will not only claim that they have the "experience" to do the jobs, but that they have been "tested" and "vetted" to lead us in a direction that only they understand. We encourage you to dig into what that "experience" entails. Is it the "experience" of sitting in the audience watching others agree to information and courses of action that have been presented to them? Is it the "experience" of job shadowing with current and past elected officials to learn the traditional practice of government that has put us on the path we are now on? Or is it the "experience" of building, creating, and doing that will indicate to us that they are the candidate that will take action to get things done?

The answers are yours.

Save vs. cut

We received this quote in an e-newsletter aimed at the construction/contracting industry, and it struck a chord with us. The philosophy would serve not only business owners well, but perhaps some of those entrusted with our civic budgets as well...

Always keep the attitude of: "Where can we save", not "Where can we cut".

The attitude of "Where can we save" means thoroughly analyzing the subject at hand. What is it, where and how is it used? Can we use it differently or in conjunction with other things? What can we do to reduce the cost of owning or operating the item? Can we extend its life, can we reduce the maintenance required for successful operation? Saving costs requires taking a long-term view and making a smart, well-thought out decision.

The attitude of "Where can we cut?" is an emotional reaction. It means eliminating something completely so you can save money today, but it doesn't take the long term view. Normally this happens after little thought to anything other than eliminating that expense.

The two are as different as daylight and dark and the prudent contractor will always focus on saving rather than cutting.

In the interest of full disclosure, this e-newsletter quote came from Michael Stone, who has written a number of books for the construction trade. His website is www.markupandprofit.com

Dear homeowner: Your taxes will still go up

Many have commented that, now that the "housing bubble" appears to have deflated, property taxes will decrease as housing values recede.

The Sentinel has mentioned an item to the contrary in a couple of their stories, but we'd like to put the WayneWho Math Spotlight on the issue.

Say Joe Homeowner purchased a local home in late 2003 (pre-bubble) for $98,500. The housing market did what it did, and by late 2006, Joe's house was valued at $145,000 (about a 47% increase). This house is Joe's primary home, so he has Save Our Homes protection, keeping his house's taxable value from rising more than 3% a year.

Tax value-wise, Joe's house went like this:
2004: $98,500 x 1.03 = $101,455
2005: $101,455 x 1.03 = $104,498.65
2006: $104,498.65 x 1.03 = $107,633.61 vs. market of $145,000

So say, for 2007 taxes, the market decreases Joe's market value by 20% (which seems like a very high number for one year). $145,000 x .80 = $116,000. That's still a higher number than the 3% allowable Save Our Homes valuation increase for the year ($107,633.61 x 1.03 = $110,862.62), so even though Joe took a 20% market value hit on the house, he still gets to pay an increase in property taxes.

The voters may give, and Save Our Homes may take away. Something to keep in mind the next time there is a complaint about what Tallahassee is doing to local governments' tax revenues.

Kid Nation...Who needs a Town Council?

This week on Kid Nation, we open with the town sheriff introducing us to the concept of property rights, when she claims a square of property in the center of town. The otherwise nondescript square of dirt then is in high demand, as the townsfolk perceive it as now having value and exclusivity.

The Council Backup Journal tells the Town Council to explore beyond their borders, so they go off on a hike, leaving the sheriff in charge of the town.

The townspeople initially protest having a single, unelected leader. They quickly decide that the town is running as well, if not better, without the over-the-top personalities of the Town Council around.

Meanwhile, the Town Council comes to an Indian encampment, where they are told that children are the future of the world, and receive the suggestion that perhaps they should be using the gold star to invest in the future, rather than reward historical participation.

The townsfolk, minus the Town Council, win their weekly showdown, commenting "we did fine without the council...we didn't need them." The sheriff single handedly selects the weekly reward, and the townsfolk go off on their hot air balloon ride, returning just in time to see the Town Council return from their journey/retreat.

Next week is the finale for Kid Nation. According to the preview, lacking a Fire Fee, the townsfolk will have to fight their own fires.

Green Fast Food

No, not the kind you call the health inspector about.

The Sentinel reports that Subway opened its first "eco-store" in Kissimmee. The U.S. Green Building Council helped Subway design the store, which is said to include energy-efficient heating and ventilation, natural lighting, low-flow water fixtures, and building materials and décor from sustainable resources, as well as napkins made of 100% recyclable materials.

Anyone know where this store is? Can you tell it is "eco-friendly" by looking at it?

Spotting a Flawed Leader

Dr. Terry Leap recently wrote an article called "Keys to Spotting a Flawed CEO - Before It's Too Late" for the Wall Street Journal. We'd like to excerpt the section called "The Warning Signs" and suggest that you paste this entry into your word processor, and then use the Find/Replace command to replace "CEO" or "Executive" with "Elected Official." Take it away, Dr. Leap:

"The Warning Signs"

An overt zeal for prestige, power and wealth. A manager's tendency to put his or her own success ahead of the company's often is evident long before that person is ready to assume the CEO post.

A reputation for shameless self-promotion. Executives who constantly seek publicity, are always looking for a better job or trumpet their successes while quickly distancing themselves from setbacks are sending strong signals that their egotistical ways may eventually cause major problems.

A proclivity for developing grandiose strategies with little thought toward their implementation. These executives may assume that others at lower levels will magically turn strategy into reality.

A fondness for rules and numbers that overshadows or ignores a broader vision. This is the flip side of the preceding problem.

A reputation for implementing major strategic changes unilaterally or for forcing programs down the throats of reluctant managers. CEOs have to be consensus builders.

An impulsive, flippant decision-making style. CEOs who approach decision-making with clever one-liners rather than with balanced, thoughtful and informed analyses can expect to encounter difficulty.

A penchant for inconsiderate acts. Individuals who exhibit rude behavior are apt to alienate the wrong person at the wrong time.

A love of monologues coupled with poor listening skills. Bad listeners rarely profit from the wisdom of their associates.

A tendency to display contempt for the ideas of others. Hypercritical executives often have few stellar accomplishments of their own.

A history of emphasizing activity, like hours worked or meetings attended, over accomplishment. Energy without objective rarely leads to improved organizational performance.

A career marked by numerous misunderstandings. There are two sides to every story, but frequent interpersonal problems shouldn't be overlooked.

A superb ability to compartmentalize and/or rationalize. Some executives have learned to separate, in their own minds, their bad behavior from their better qualities, so that their misdeeds don't diminish their opinions of themselves. An important internal check missing. Others are always ready to cite a higher purpose to justify their bad decisions.

Tuesday Night Game Show

It's another Tuesday night and Access Osceola will run another episode of our favorite Tuesday night game show, “Who’s the Mayor Anyway?”. This is the game where the other commissions try to receive points by doing the Mayor’s job for him. If they are successful without the Mayor actually stopping them, they receive double the points. They can receive triple the points if he throws in a dirty look their way. It has already been an eventful season with Commissioner Van Meter seemingly racking up the most points and Commissioner Irizarry coming in at a close second.

However the Mayor can take their points away if he yells at a tax payer, so commissioners… look out!

Since the points don’t really matter (kinda-sorda like any citizen input), at the end of the game they are offered as a consolation prize to the taxpayer who received the verbal abuse. However, just like the United Cities Currency, don’t try to pay your light bill with it.

No they didn't

We were reading our online version of the Saturday Osceola News-Gazette and turned to Page 5, where the City of Kissimmee had their full-page ad of upcoming community events. Our eyes quickly turned to the sign-up section for the School of Government. We couldn't help but notice that it appears that the city, in its creative wisdom, took the All-America City logo, and replaced the logo wording with "City of Kissimmee School of Government" and the city logo.

We wonder if it is All-America(n) to copy another organization's work without giving proper credit.

Helping Government With Their Money

A major issue in the news of late has been the state fund used by local governments to earn interest on the tax money they collect before they have to spend the money on the things that local governments spend money on. Usually these are things such as payroll that need to be budgeted, but are not spent right away.

Last week there was a rush of withdrawals from the fund after it was learned that the fund managers had invested in some investment products that had a dependence on the subprime mortgage market. Late in the week, the board that oversees the fund (including such little-known people as Charlie Crist and Alex Sink) had to suspend withdrawals from the fund to prevent it from having to sell securities at a loss to fund the withdrawals. In other words, this board prevented local governments from accessing the funds that they had trusted with this state group.

Again, the purpose of the fund was to give local governments a place to park their revenues for a short period until they needed to be spent, and earn interest on that money, while preserving the capital. Obviously, the fact that the state has such a fund, complete with their own advisors, board, and structure, means that there wasn't anything commercially available, right?

Well, someone did some research and found that the state fund's returns through September of this year were 5.56%. They compared that to an index money market fund which had a return of 5.51% through September. You may have heard about index funds... they're a common recommendation for retirement funds for individual investors, and they approximate the return of a given stock index (like the S&P 500).

So, for that additional 0.05% return, we have this little mess going on, and the local government funds turned out to not be as safe and secure in their own investment fund as the local governments had been led to believe. This situation also begs the question of governmental roles. Is it the government's responsibility to act like Wall Street financial wizards with other people's money? After all, it is tax money from the taxpayers of Florida that has been put at risk, with no input from anyone from the general public. Is this a government that trusts the private market?

The cost of a logo

Earlier this year, the city briefly flirted with the idea of updating the city logo, and the cost of this update was guesstimated at $40,000. We recalled this when we were reading the Sentinel this morning.

As BrightHouse Networks prepares for the upcoming conversion to all-digital TV broadcasts, they have decided to move all of the local government access channels higher in their spectrum, potentially requiring a converter box, and changing the channel number.

As part of this change, the Access Osceola channel number appears to be changing. The city estimates that they will spend $3,400 for "new business cards and other updated items" to reflect this change.

We at WayneWho headquarters can't ever remember receiving a city employee's business card that listed the cable channel. So we suppose that it will be a very small slice of the city's employees who will require new cards.

We offer this as a comparison for our readers to come to their own conclusions as to what the cost to make a wholesale update to all of the city's printed items, should they choose to update a logo, award, or slogan
in the future.

Savvy Expenditure

The WayneWho staff finally had a chance to get together and review the Kissimmee City Commission meeting from this past Tuesday and we all had one word on our lips as we came together... "Savvy"

The word savvy is not a word we would normally use in the same sentence, paragraph, or staff prepared briefing, when it comes to our elected officials, but we have to in this case. It seems the Access Osceola staff was the recipient of the "2007 Savvy Award" presented by 3CMA (City County Communications and Marketing Association). The award was for the Kissimmee FYI program in the category of TV & Videos - Interview/Talk Show. Receiving the recognition that was bestowed by the City Commission was the Kissimmee Public Information Office staff.

We have to wonder if Access Osceola and the Kissimmee Public Information Office have merged at some point? Is Access Osceola still its own entity that is paid for by a mixture of funding, or has the city taken over the entire operation? From the meeting it appears that Access Osceola and Kissimmee Public Information Office have now become one in the same and the Taxpayers/Fee-payers of the City of Kissimmee now wholey own their own cable access channel and production studio.

The city had also purchased a remote truck for the Access Osceola/PIO team to use allowing them to bring more news to the avid Access Osceola viewers. We wonder, will the City Commission staff an Access Osceola remote truck before they staff a fire rescue vehicle?

We also have to ask if paying for a membership in the 3CMA makes the award worth more to the citizens? Again, the taxpayers have paid for a membership in an organization to be considered for an award. This All-America City-esque farcical award once again does not provide any benefit to the residents of our community that give this government their money to use in a "Savvy" and constitutional manner.

The city has also launched its very own radio station. While the WayneWho staff believes that overall this is a good expenditure of funds because of the ablility for radio signals to be broadcast during emergency situtations, while cable usually goes out, we have to question simulcasting the Access Osceola signal. Power Point slides are difficult to read on a radio.

Just to toot our own horn, the WayneWho blog received honorable mention by the 3CMA organization under the category of Communication Technology/Web Site/Reliable Un-New Source. Luckily for us, we did not have to pay the membership fee for the mention.

Fire funding

Some of the other local news sources have reported lately on various Kissimmee fire department units being idled due to staff shortages and training events.

Now that a decent percentage of the fire department's operating budget is funded by a fire fee, rather than property tax collections, we wonder if it is still valid to argue that cutbacks had to be made "because of what Tallahassee did to us."

At the same time, we know that negotiations are ongoing between the city and the firefighters' union, and whenever public safety staff negotiations are underway, regardless of where you live, information like this tends to be reported more frequently.

We call on both sides to bring forth some meaningful trend data, not just single daily statistics, and let the citizens decide if they are receiving the public safety protection they are paying for.

Pain Index

Central Floridians have a new advisory system to be aware of starting today. MetroPlan Orlando has developed a new "MetroPlan Pain Index Advisory System" that lets Central Floridians know when the agency will begin to fight for additional transportation taxes. According to the Orlando Business Journal, Kelley Teague, director of public affairs and strategic planning believes the public's "pain index" is nearing the point at which commuters soon will be more receptive to paying for transportation fixes.

Ongoing conversations at MetroPlan social club meetings, which are attended mostly by local politicians, have been centered on the fact that after years of neglect of our local transportation infrastructure, and the gridlocked traffic created by years of unmanaged and uncontrolled growth, the stage has been set to persuade voters to approve a new "Transportation Tax". MetroPlan lobbyists were quick to point out that the need for this new tax is the fault and result of the public's own anti-tax stance. The lobbyists are already predicting that because of the citizens' unwillingness to pay more in taxes that the top funding priorities for the next year will fizzle out, creating a worsening transportation system. It is this degradation in the transportation system that may finally bring in the necessary tax dollars to pay for MetroPlan's fantasy system because of the commuting pain felt by those attempting to drive on the failing system that we currently have today.

It is believed that the introduction of the new color coded pain index system will help to sway the public sentiment about the need to give additional funds for the transportation system they are already being taxed for. As sales tax and gas tax revenues drop because the average person can no longer afford much of anything, MetroPlan board members are quick to point out that they need to find a way to replace the shortfall in funding.

The initial Pain Index alert color has been set to Yellow - or Elevated - as the new monitoring system is launched. "Our hope is that as the Holiday and tourist traffic increases, the alert status, and the pain felt by drivers, will increase to the point that we can finally get paid," noted one MetroPlan social club member close to the story.

Sunday Funny - The Hit & Run Case

A very prominent politician parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The politician immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the politician started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the politician finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you politicians are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the politician.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the politician. "Where's my Rolex!"

Kid Nation: Let Me Talk!

The theme of this week's Kid Nation show is supposed to be about respect, but it is really about the transition of power.

As we learned last week, a vote of dissatisfaction over the Town Council's performance led to an election. Rather than the last Kid Nation election, complete with campaign, we start the episode this week with the opponents giving speeches, followed immediately by the election. Three of the councilmembers run for election, and one drops out. All of the incumbents are defeated (which appears to be a common theme this year, whether you are a member of Kid Nation or Adult Nation).

Along the way, we hear from each of the outgoing councilmembers, who all say "I loved this job." Many of them talk about how they liked the feeling of importance, and being involved in the center of their community.

The incoming councilmembers don't seem to have the key to the room where the Journal of Staff Backup is located, so they have a meeting where they seemingly decide on their own that the biggest issue facing Bonanza City is respect among the townspeople. We quickly find, however, that the new council members have the same problems with respect that they find among the townspeople, including eavesdropping on a meeting of one district's team members, and threatening to withhold the weekly gold star from those who don't cooperate with the council's plans. At the same time, the new council declares that it is their goal to be the best council ever.

After a very frank town meeting, the most vocal new council member admits that he sees the townspeoples' perspective on his behavior and that he will work to change. After the council awards the gold star to one of the recently retired council members, it appears that the rift is healed.

Next week, we learn whether the occupants of Kid Nation can set up an educational system.

Name That Landmark

The Chicago Tribune reports that the City of Chicago has paid $285,000 for a marketing group to study whether the city can sell naming rights to some of their well-known landmarks to raise funds for the city. Consider the "Lowe's Chicago El," the "Microsoft Magnificent Mile," or the "Old Navy Pier."

What do you suppose we could get for the "You're OK With Us Boat Launch" or the "Aquafina Fountain?"

Swan Pardons Turkey

In a rare move for a local government official, Kissimmee Mayor Jim Swan gave a full Mayoral pardon to one lucky local turkey who, it is rumored, ran afoul of the law recently. According to Kissimmee Police Department reports, Thomas Wilks Turkey had been arrested, tried, and convicted of several attacks on unsuspecting movie goers at local movie theater in the new LOOP strip shopping center. Multiple victims with bloodshot glazed over eyes recounted tales of horror of how Mr. Turkey attacked them while they were waiting at the movie theater. His conviction lead to a sentencing of death by lethal deep frying which, so far, has not been challenged as cruel and unusual punishment by civil liberties groups.

After several appeals by court appointed attorneys, Mr. Turkey was finally scheduled to be executed on November 22, 2007, which just happened to be Thanksgiving Day.

Recent evidence had surfaced that discounted the original version of events of the victims. Evidence has been rumored to show the victims could possibly have been under the influence of some type of substance and may be guilty themselves of LUI or LOOP’ing Under the Influence.

With this new evidence coming to the light, Kissimmee Mayor Jim Swan granted a full pardon to Mr. Turkey.

Mr. Turkey had been close-lipped about the entire incident, seemingly unaware of the seriousness of the charges. After the pardoning ceremony, Mr. Turkey said “In a gesture of reconciliation and goodwill for this magnanimous act, I am encouraging all turkeys to vote Republican in the 2008 City of Kissimmee Elections. It may be the only votes they can get."

Top ten ways you know it is Thanksgiving at City Hall

10) The discussion centers around the installation of a gravy fountain.

9) At least a dozen people are passed out from too much "Good-ole Boy Punch".

8) Commissioner Gemskie won't leave because there is free food.

7) The commissioners blame the sleeping audience on Tryptophan.

6) With all of the budget cuts the Thanksgiving meal consists of the attractively priced combo meals at Taco Bell.

5) Access Osceola runs Osceola County Extension office cooking special marathon.

4) The "Air Usage Fee" becomes reality with a lucky break of the wishbone.

3) The entire budget is dependent on the Black Friday sales at Walmart.

2) Consultant advises that in the current market it is better for the city to lease the turkey instead of buying one.

1) Meals-On-Wheels shortage is finally solved.

Turkey Pay

With the possibility of losing more tax revenues because of the State of Florida's efforts to control out of control tax and spend policies of local governments, the City of Kissimmee is taking an innovative measure to protect their funding. Over the next several days, several departments will shut down for the Thanksgiving Holiday Season and re-open as a Butterball Turkey Hotline call center. The entire Public Information Office and some of the Parks and Recreation Departments have finished their "Turkey U" training and are ready to answer questions from the poultry challenged. "I don't think this will be too hard considering we are used to commissioners talking turkey all of the time," noted one employee who did not want to be identified. "Have you heard some of the questions they ask? I can handle some questions on cooking a turkey."

The Butterball Corporation is very excited at the prospect of working with not only the City of Kissimmee, but other municipalities as well. "We believe this will be a profitable win-win arrangement," noted a Butterball Turkey Talk hotline representative. "The infrastructure and technology are already in place, and we believe that it is possible to train the staff on the basics of Turkey preparations. They ain't going to be no Martha Stewart, but they should be able to handle the basics."

The original plan was to have City Commissioners help work the Turkey Talk hotline, but then it was discovered they had a hard time reading from prepared scripts, so the idea was quickly modified to involve the City staff. "I will be a cheerleader for the Turkey Talkers," noted one commissioner while another noted an affinity for the mystical Turducken holiday favorite.

It appears that for now, the City funding crisis has been averted. Gobble... Gobble...

Kid Nation: Not Even Close To Fair

This week in Kid Nation is all about equality. We begin the show with the observation that members of one of the districts have won the majority of the gold stars, and that some townspeople just don't seem to want to do their jobs. The Town Council, in their weekly tradition, consults the Journal of Governing Plans, which tells them to mix up the districts. As they leave the journal meeting, the Council is split 50-50 on whether to mix up the districts.

By the time the Council appears before the town to tell them they have read the Journal (to many audible groans...the townspeople know that the Journal is really in charge), the Council is now split 3-1 on dividing up the districts. So the 3 Council members who support the plan each swap one district member, managing to insult many of their current district members in the process. Only the Green district, with the most gold star winners, declines to participate. The Council member who originally opposed the trade, and then decided to participate, is roundly vilified by his district members and breaks down in tears. Another Council member is heard to say that if he had a time machine and could go back to the last election, he would not have run.

What we observed in this episode was that 2 of the 3 district members traded had opportunities to change or improve their position within their new districts, with one going on to win the gold star for the week. But for their attempts to artificially force some type of equality among their town, all of the Council members received a great amount of criticism from the town as a whole. The host, after seeing that the majority of the town indicated that they were displeased with how the Town Council was performing, calls for another round of elections, and in this round, even the Green district (who was unopposed in the last election, and kept her district intact during the trade) faces an opponent. Facial expressions give away the dismay the Council members feel when they realize that in each case they are being opposed by townspeople who are well-known and well-liked in the community.

Next week, we will see if campaign tactics have changed now that it doesn't appear to pay to be the incumbent.

On strike: Day 12

Kissimmee, FL - Access Osceola officials will ask the City of Kissimmee and Osceola County governments to contact the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to start the process of declaring a local state of emergency because of the tremendous hardships that have been created by lack of writing staff who are now on Day 12 of an ongoing strike. The lack of writers has created a situation where public information officials are left to piece together government subsidized entertainment venues in order to keep the local government access channel alive. "It has been a tough 12 days, but I think we have put together some material that Access Osceola viewers will watch," noted one Access Osceola manager.

Access Osceola viewers on the other side, have not been amused by the change in programming. "This week, they had an FYI episode on why you should eat squash, and how to cook it," besmirched one avid viewer. "I am not sure why we are paying these people to put on a show about cooking squash when we have the Food Network that can really show you some good stuff. Maybe our taxes should pay for some better shows or at least put some new people on the show instead of the same people week after week."

Unfortunately for viewers who would normally be glued to the local government access channel to catch their favorite episodes of "The Fountain" or "Tax or No Tax", it looks like they won't be so lucky. With the public information departments being stretched to the breaking point, they are having to chose between patching together "Squash" episodes, or dealing with true public concerns. No public information staffers could be found this week when a local news station broke a story on the dangerously low personnel levels at the Kissimmee Fire Department. According to the Channel 9 news report, staffing levels are so low at the Kissimmee Fire Department that one of the rescue vehicles has been going unmanned for much of the time. Public information representatives could not be found for comment because they were too busy working on possible Commission Comments for upcoming meetings. "We have had to cancel a few meetings just so we can get caught up on writing down what commissioners are supposed to say," blurted out a tired looking public information staffer. "The commissioners need time to learn their lines."

The disaster declaration and FEMA assistance would open up travel trailers and $15,000 in rental assistance for those who may have lost their homes due to the writers strike. We have been assured that the disaster declaration will not hamper upcoming birthday celebrations.

Fighting speed with plastic

Local news media recently carried the story of the Windsor, CO Police Department, which has become the latest police department to use a stand-in to combat speeding drivers. In this case, they use a life-size plastic cutout of one of their officers holding a radar gun. Only as drivers pass by do they notice that the "officer" is slightly thicker than a popsicle stick.

As seen on TV, the officer simply takes his cutout, places it along a stretch of road, and then moves on to another location, where he does traffic enforcement for real.

We think there is some potential here, although we would suggest alternating real and cut-out officers at each location...better to keep drivers guessing.

We were also about to suggest that perhaps local businesses would like to get their own cut-outs, but we recall the story earlier in the year of a little old lady somewhere in Central Florida who rigged up her own radar gun to activate a flashing yellow light when speeders went by. As we recall the story, she was cited for violating some law or ordinance regarding traffic control devices. So in the meantime, if you're concerned about traffic enforcement (even if you're an outsourced blogger living elsewhere), perhaps you could make a donation to the city to allow them to get some "plastic officers."

Fountains, Fountains... Everywhere

We recently stumbled across this article from the St. Petersburg Times. Go ahead and read it, we'll wait.

Click Here For Article

You're back?

It seems that Tampa has found the maintenance costs of fountains to be worrisome. Not once, but twice. First, they received a donated sculptural fountain to go outside the Tampa Convention Center in 1991. By 2000, after spending $250,000 over 9 years to maintain it, they returned it to the developer who donated it.

Now they face the maintenance costs for a water fountain built by the Department of Transportation, who is turning over ownership and ongoing maintenance to the city.

Do you suppose it would be wishful thinking to say that "the third time's the charm?"

We Said Lower Prices!

Here at WayneWho HQ, we're not sure we feel so great about having two WalMart stories in one week, but here goes anyway.

It seems that WalMart Stores Inc. recently sent a memo to its outside law firms announcing a "moratorium on across-the-board rate increases." In other words, WalMart told their lawyers that they would not accept any increases in billing rates.

One response posted to the news said "Sending such memos is amusing and I suspect that most firms will just ignore it."

This is an interesting strategy, though...telling those who you buy products or services from in advance that you will not accept a rate increase from them. We wonder what other organizations that dominate their respective markets, whether locally or nationally, might soon use this as a cost-cutting measure.

Kid Nation: Starved for Entertainment

Well, on Kid Nation this week, we learned that adding arts & entertainment to the town's schedule doesn't really make for compelling television. We can sum it up like this: the townspeople were bored, the townspeople decided to demand some form of community activity, and the Town Council (after consulting the Journal of Town Management, of course) came up with a talent show.

Perhaps "reality television" won't really help the networks fill their schedules while the writers' strike continues. We might have to go back to watching commission meetings. We understand from today's Sentinel that there is a local teen who will be producing a reality show, which has already been picked up by the local access channel in ORANGE County. Hopefully he'll have a web-based version for local viewers.

Property Taxes: Duty or Burden?

At WayneWho headquarters, we usually dismiss the idea of taking content from another provider and just throwing it up on our blog. In this case, we were reading the letters to the editor in the Wall Street Journal and thought that the letter writers presented a reasoned debate (we think the editors probably thought so as well), so we wanted to put it out there for local discussion.

The article that originally spawned the discussion was over a technique Wal-Mart uses, which is to hire consultants/accountants/attorneys to structure their company in each state to best reduce their property taxes.

Letter #1
I find it interesting that the federal government and high tax states constantly have to fight taxpayers who utilize tax shelters. Instead of wasting taxpayer dollars chasing down abusive tax shelters, maybe they should look at the tax laws of states such as Delaware that apparently don't have the same problems. The common thread here isn't the companies that rightfully attempt to minimize their own taxes, but the high tax rates that cause them to reduce their tax burden.

Wal-Mart should be applauded for cutting their effective tax rates in half because those savings are passed through to shareholders in higher stock value and to customers as lower prices. Contrary to what tax authorities would like us to believe, companies don't pay taxes; consumers do. As Judge Learned Hand once wrote: "Anyone may so arrange his affairs that his taxes shall be as low as possible; he is not bound to choose that pattern which will best pay the Treasury; there is not even a patriotic duty to increase one's taxes."

(Writer's name deleted by WayneWho staff)
Elko, Minn.

Letter #2
I have worked as a tax attorney in state government, and I buy, without hesitation, the argument that it's nobody's patriotic duty to pay any more in taxes than what the law requires. However, it turns my stomach that there are so many institutions playing very fast and loose with "what the law requires." Sham transactions like the various Wal-Mart examples you wrote about are in plentiful supply. The law is what it is, and Wal-Mart and others and their Ernst & Young enablers aren't above it. I would like to pay whatever amount of taxes I feel like paying too, but our system isn't founded on vigilante justice.

Now maybe you can help the general public start connecting the dots. When people and businesses don't pay their fair share of taxes - to the tune of multiple millions of dollars - there's less money coming in to run the state. That means tax rates need to go up to generate the revenue to pay for building and maintaining those silly little things like roads and bridges and schools and prisons that people take for granted. Or else they don't get built or maintained, and things like bridges collapsing into rivers and our kids' leaking, mold-infested schools should come as no surprise to anyone.

Oliver Wendell Holmes got it right when he said "Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society."

(Writer's name deleted by WayneWho staff)
West Hartford, Conn.

On Strike!

Local Access Osceola writers took to the sidewalks yesterday after last-ditch bargaining failed to avert the first industry wide screen writers strike in 19 years. Just after midnight the unionized writers walked away from their ergonomically safe writing areas in a show of solidarity. Garbage trucks and city maintenance vehicles freely crossed the picket lines as city government continued to function quelling the hope that a strong show of support by Kissimmee's blue-collar workers would heighten the strike's effect.

As was feared, production efforts at the Access Osceola studios came to an unenergetic halt. Shows like "Two and a half Commissioners" and "Code Enforcement Minds" quickly stopped production and new public information slides were quickly created. "I am glad this strike happened when it did, because we have been out of good ideas for about three months now," said one of the writers as he grabbed a bottled water and a Frisbee and headed for the picket line.

Access Osceola favorites such as the hit governmental comedy "Kissimmee City Commission Meeting" and "Kissimmee FYI" will not experience any type of slow down in their production cycle. "It takes a different type of writer to write this kind of stuff," noted one producer, "We are just glad that our writers are not in a union and have no way to demand fair treatment." There was some talk at Access Osceola headquarters about Commission Meeting re-runs or using old commission meetings to create a commission retrospective show, but in the end it was decided that would require to much effort.

As the strike drags on, the WayneWho staff will do our best to fill in the emptiness with our own brand of un-news. Our writers work for snicker doodles only care about receiving comments on their posts, so it is pretty easy to keep them happy. We know this strike will be tough, but together we can get through it. Good luck.

Around Town

With the nice fall weather the last few days, the WayneWho crew was out running errands and made some notes.

The Martin Luther King Phase II project seems to be clipping along at a good pace. We recall seeing something when the bid was awarded about the entire project taking somewhere around 440 days, and by the looks of it they'll be done with time to spare. We wonder if there is any correlation between the speedy construction and the article in the Sentinel today about how suddenly school districts are finding more bidders and lower costs for new buildings due to the downturn in the construction industry. Regardless, congratulations to those who got the fast project pace into the contract.

We noted not one, but two signs announcing the upcoming opening of a steak and seafood restaurant in the (former) Safari Café building on 192. This is notable in light of the many restaurants that have closed on that same stretch, and we wish them well. We don't know anything about the particulars of that building, but we have watched it sit empty, but well maintained, for years now. We wonder if the building owner has been saddled with a number of lease commitments that never led to an open restaurant, or if it just took that long to find a tenant willing to open there. In either case, again, with it being a well-maintained building within eyesight of the end of the BeautiVacation corridor, the amount of time it sat vacant is a cautionary tale for any who think that 192 will bounce back as quickly as it fell, or that the mere existence of available buildings on that corridor will invite new businesses to move in.

We don't know if it's because this past week was the last of the month/first of the month, but it seems all of a sudden that the "For Lease" signs are out in force on commercial properties throughout the city. Much in the same way that earlier this year the residential real estate signs started multiplying (and they continue to), but now with commercial properties...we wonder where the businesses (and the jobs) are going.

We started on a congratulatory note, and we'll end on one. A round of applause to the local business community, who worked with the City Manager's office to come up with a relief fund for the business and nonprofit properties that ended up paying more, not less, under the new fire fee structure. That's a good example of working together to get something done.

Kid Nation: The Root of All Evil

It's Day 20 through 22 in Bonanza City...we're past the halfway mark now. The episode title obviously references money, but you have to work to tie all of the subplots together, other than each has something to do with money. We choose to analyze them separately.

Some of the townspeople suffer from a combination of boredom and lack of funds, and perhaps a little bit of the entrepreneurial bug. One resident decides to set up a snack bar, charging nickels for prepared snacks. Unfortunately, the townspeople react poorly, as she is charging for the preparation and serving of food materials that are available for free in the town kitchen. One of her teammates tries to put her out of business by starting a competing snack stand with lower prices, but that ends up being more protest than business. Later in the episode, he becomes a business success in Bonanza City by making custom necklaces with names and slogans burned into wood with a magnifying glass and the sun. He takes the proceeds from his venture to the town store, where he buys an outfit that can best be described as "Wild West Pimp."

The Journal of How to Run Bonanza City directs the Town Council to a treasure chest hidden in a cave outside town. The treasure chest turns out to contain coins equal to the entire town's payroll for a week. The Town Council debates among themselves how to best distribute their newfound wealth, worrying that giving cash to the individual townspeople will cause them to spend recklessly. The Council ultimately decide to spend the cash on items to be used by the entire community, such as sports equipment and musical instruments.

To demonstrate how money-hungry the townspeople are, one of the cooks whips up a batch of fake vomit, and drops $0.50 in the bottom of the pot. She walks to the center of town with a story about how the money got into the pot of disgusting, undefined contents. In TV time, it takes mere seconds for 10 kids to start feeling around in the pot for the loose change.

After successfully completing the weekly competition, the town is faced with a choice for their weekly reward. Up to now, they have been washing clothes by hand with a washboard. They can have new automatic washing machines, at a cost of $0.20 per load, or they can each have one new clothing outfit and old-fashioned hand-run wringer machines that can be used for free. The Council debates and solicits citizen input, including words from those who would have to spend more than their weekly salary to wash clothes in the fancy machines, and select the new clothes/old machines option, to great support from the townsfolk. One of the townspeople comments on how he appreciates that the Council selected the option that allowed him to keep his money in his pocket.

Finally, now that the newness and shock of the weekly $20,000 gold star award has worn off, we see that some of the townspeople have begun to openly campaign for the gold star, even going as far as to make campaign posters. The Town Council now solicits nominations from each of the townspeople on who might be an appropriate winner for the week. At least this week, those who self-promote, either to the town or the Council, lose out to the nominee who diligently works in the background without any self-promotion. Next
week, apparently the gold star winner will be decided by talent show.

Mr. Nice for Mayor

The WayneWho staff stumbled across a great article in the Associated Press on a story in Duluth, Minnesota. It seems that Duluth residents are not all that happy with their choices for Mayor, but now they may have a real choice, that is if they are willing to elect a 30 year old blue felt puppet.

Jim and Allen Richardson, who wrote a commentary book called "Gonzo Science", say they decided to enter Mr. Nice in the race even though they aren't thrilled about participating in the arena of "politics as usual." They believe that Mr. Nice brings experience and diversity to the campaign. Mr. Nice is the only non-white candidate running, and has the most experience at being a puppet. He also holds a job as a Puppet Activist which he believes will help spread the word about his candidacy.

Mr. Nice will be having a campaign rally this Saturday at Washington Galleries in Duluth which will feature a puppet debate along with an art show. Mr. Nice has noted that he will give the "speech of his life."

His human opponents are City Councilors Don Ness and Charlie Bell, who was the runner-up in the mayor's race four years ago. Rumor has it that they are not happy about the competition, and are working together to slow down the campaign of Mr. Nice.

The WayneWho staff will watch this race closely to see how well Mr. Nice is able to do during his campaign. You never know where you might see other puppet political newcomers show up on the ballot.

We're in the wrong line of work

Tuesday's business section revealed that nature-based tourism is the new focus (fad) for Osceola tourism officials, and the article went into great detail about trying to attract visitors from Spain who would want to come to Lake Toho to fish for bass. Talk about a defined market segment!

What left a lasting impression, though, is that the Convention and Visitors Bureau funds an "official outdoors spokesman," whose responsibilities apparently consist of marketing Kissimmee/Osceola County while competing in fishing tournaments, complete with a truck, boat, and clothing emblazoned with tourism logos, even in such faraway places as Spain. We're sure that he is a skilled fisherman, and very outgoing and engaging, everything you would want from someone who is a marketing representative. The CVB has apparently had this relationship for eight years, and the current annual budget for this outdoors ambassador is $400,000 per year. We're sure that includes travel expenses and bait and lures, but our reaction is still ...wow ...maybe it is time to cut bait. "Anecdotally we think it's been a success" says a CVB representative.

Which leads us to ask...does the CVB have any more targeted market segments defined? Potential tourists from the Ukraine that like to bowl? Visitors from Siberia that have an interest in juggling chainsaws? If you have other target markets, how can we sign up to be the representative who pursues them?

Market Makers

According to the Osceola News-Gazette, the Downtown Business Association's (DBA) board voted unanimously to close the downtown farmers' market last Thursday due to issues that developed during the lease renewal discussion for the Toho Square market location. We were surprised to learn about this, and engaged the WayneWho Investigative Blogging Unit to look further into the issue.

Apparently when the lease renewal came up as a discussion item at the Commission meeting, at least two commissioners expressed an opinion that the DBA was not doing enough to grow the farmer's market. According to the Gazette's article, the suggestion was made that...wait for it...a local government funded organization, Kissimmee Main Street, should run the market instead. This represents a true shift in local government policies. It has now become the apparent purview of elected officials to step in and recommend the transfer of not-for-profit events to different organizations when those officials believe they can do it better. Perhaps this reasoning only extends to events held at city facilities, but even so, those who operate events at the lakefront should be wary, as the commissioners may be looking for "bigger and better" from you as well.

Perhaps it was the intent of the commissioners who recommended this course that the potential fundraising of the farmers' market would reduce the city's future fund allocations to Kissimmee Main Street, making this another case of "revenue neutral" bookkeeping. To this we say there is a difference between an event being able to pay its own expenses vs. being able to generate excess revenue, or daresay, "profit."

We are disappointed that the DBA had to make the decision to discontinue their operation of the farmers' market, but we wonder if it hadn't run its course, with business people making a business decision that it was no longer self-supporting. If this is the case, we hope that various governmental grants won't be used to artificially support the event. After all, we already have fountains, birthday celebrations, and All America City competitions to pay for.

Just some random thoughts today...

The new traffic light at Vine & Orange Ave. is a big help to those trying to turn left into Target or Home Depot. Thanks to the city or county or FDOT for that one. Hopefully it will keep some of the retailers around a little longer.

Did you know that last week was Florida City Government Week? We didn't either, until we saw the press release that the city released on Thursday announcing that they had been celebrating all week.

In the sparse employment section of the Sunday Sentinel, we noticed that KFD is hiring. Know any firefighters? Send them over to the city for an application.

The big intergovernmental school concurrency meeting is tonight. Hopefully someone brings along some coaches to show all of the teams how to play well together. And we hope that some real work is accomplished, although we know all of the elected officials will be glancing at their watches, wanting to run to the nearest TV to find out what happens with the property tax discussions in Tallahassee. Perhaps they can look up that info on their wireless devices and/or the city's free WiFi network.

Kid Nation: Bonanza is Disgusting!

This week at Kid Nation, they're burning off a bunch of footage for the mid-season shows. We see the kids dig a pit to dispose of the town's trash, and learn that some townspeople just dig in their heels when asked to do any work. The Town Council finally learns that the only power they may actually have is to withhold paychecks when their team members don't do their jobs.

It isn't until about the last five minutes of the show that we see the actual subplot, and perhaps the more clever explanation for the episode's title. One of the townspeople has been working in the background, helping out his team's elected leader, counseling other townspeople, and moderating disputes. We see that the Town Council has met and decided to award him the coveted gold star for the week. But we also discover that the same level of involvement that makes him popular is causing him to debate whether he wants to continue as a resident of Bonanza City. We hear him say that the ongoing negativity makes him want to be somewhere else. And so, when the host asks his weekly question over whether anyone wants to leave Bonanza City, he raises his hand. It is only through the quick intercession of some of the townspeople and Town Council that he is convinced that he should stay and help make the town better.

Does anyone share that townsperson's thought, that while he tries to be an involved member of the community, the grass may be greener somewhere else?

Smile for the Voter

As our readers are aware, the Kissimmee City Commission has proposed some changes to the city charter that will be on the ballot in January. All of the proposed changes are related to how elections are held in Kissimmee, covering issues such as how candidates qualify to run, when the election will be held, and a random lottery to determine the order in which candidate names will be placed on the ballot.

We thought of this when we recently read an Associated Press story about a Princeton University study in which participants were shown pairs of photographs for a very quick glance, and then asked to pick the individual they thought was more competent. The photos were those of candidates from governor and senator races around the country, and the participants picked the picture of the winner of the election more than two-thirds (66%) of the time.

What do you suppose would happen if a picture of each candidate was printed on the ballot?

Alexander Todorov, the psychologist who ran the study, commented "The findings suggest that fast, unreflective judgments based on a candidate's face can affect voting decisions. Voters are not that rational, after all. So maybe we have to consider that when we elect our politicians."

Sound of One Hand Clapping

Another Tuesday evening passes with no Kissimmee Commission meeting, and we had to wonder is there any difference between an evening with no meeting and one with a full meeting. Would the city grind to a halt as some believe, or would the lack of commissioners even be noticed. Besides the obvious cost savings for the city by not having to refill the commission snack trays, and the fact that no new fees can be assessed to the citizens when there is no meeting for them to be conjured up at, we had very few thoughts on the benefits of the traditional meeting structure. This brought us to talk about an old Zen proverb, "What is that Sound of One Hand Clapping?" We wondered if this proverb could apply to our local commission.

First we had to address what the two hands would consist of to make this proverb make sense in our context. We concluded that one hand was the commission and the other hand was staff. When they work together, or clap as the case may be, a sound is produced. In essence, if the commission and staff come together, things get done. So the next step is to determine if one of either the staff, or the commission, is not present, is there still a clap, or in this case, do things still get done?

The simple logic to follow is that if there is no agenda, can the commission function? What would the commission do if there was no back-up and no agenda in which to follow? Could they function? Would they panic without staff recommendations? And since staff are the ones who create the agenda and the back up for the commissioners, does the agenda mean anything if there is no one there to vote on the items it contains, or at least give direction?

These questions actually lead us into other proverbs such as "Which came first the commission or the agenda?", "Don't put all you commission snacks in one basket," and our personal favorite "Is an agenda that nobody reads still and agenda?"

These thoughts are well beyond the insight of the staff at WayneWho. The debate did lead to someone ordering pizza, so we were still pleased with the outcome of the discussions and pushed forward with writing down our thoughts. We leave finding the true answers to you.

Reading, Writing, and Representing

We read Mark Pino's column this weekend about the question of single-member districts for the school board, and one line kept coming back to mind. "And if it goes the wrong way, the district may still end up in a federal courtroom." Since the only group that has threatened legal action are a group that supports single-member districts, it must be implied that the "wrong way" is continuing with an at-large School Board.

We don't know the question yet, but single-member districts aren't the "right" answer to every question about elections. There is movement in Orange County to have an elected superintendent. Lake County had an elected superintendent, but is moving back to an appointed superintendent. Osceola at one point had an elected superintendent, but is back with an appointment. There is no one correct solution.

But Mark is right on the point that most Osceola residents are bored with or not interested in the issue. Why? Because we are asking the wrong question. Outside of those who follow politics for career or sport, election strategy and organizational structure are pretty dry topics. To the average Osceola resident, there are much more pressing questions regarding our schools:

• How do we improve our schools to give better opportunities to succeed for our students, a better workforce for our employers, and a better educational reputation for our community?



• How can we cause our School Board to work cooperatively with our other local elected officials, rather than constantly being at odds and negotiating through attorneys and threats of lawsuits?



• How can we improve our school construction program, such that school buildings regularly open and operate without last-minute road construction and other variances?



• How do we improve financial accountability within the school district, so that we do not continue to lose funding and spending money on projects that require various and lengthy approvals?

The school board candidate who can answer these types of questions will have our vote, even if they have a third eye in the middle of the green arm growing out of the center of their forehead. Conversely, the candidate who does not have answers shouldn't be wasting time in the election process, regardless of who they claim to represent.

Access Osceola Sweeps Clean

In the ongoing ratings battle faced by our local government access channel, Access Osceola has made many changes before the start of Nielsen Media Research sweep dates for November 2007. "Our new season is going to be about flashy colors and drama. Our new slides and shows will both delight the senses and sharpen the mind," revealed one Access Osceola insider close to the source.

It appears that the replays of the ongoing government meeting situation comedies, or sitcoms as they are called by avid TV fans, are out and new flashy slides and additional programming have been added to replace them. "Gov-Meet sitcoms, or 'govcoms' are a thing of the past. They represent the early days of the reality TV craze and the fans have moved on to shows with more advanced story lines. In the early days, the fans loved the alliance building and the surprise twists and turns created by political maneuvering, but they have grown tired of the series. When a show loses it's edge, it is time to cancel it. We have introduced new characters, new plots, and we think we jumped the shark some time ago."

(For those who are not aware of the term "Jump The Shark", the simple explanation is that single point in your favorite Television show where it passes its peak. The term itself refers to the moment in the Happy Days sitcom when the character Fonzie jumped over a shark on water skis. This is the point at which most historians will agree that the show took a downward spiral. Some argue that the introduction of Ted McGinley to the cast of the show was its ultimate doom, but the shark jumping episode is still considered to be the end of the shows success.)

Research that has reportedly been done by the Access Osceola marketing department has shown that flashy informative slides test well with the general public. This format has attracted more non-profit tax subsidized advertisers which has added a new depth of intergovernmental funding into the mix. This will allow Access Osceola to compete with other local antiquated profit based broadcasting outlets.

Some data suggests that since the removal of the governmental meeting replays, the ratings for those time slots have improved and the average viewing time has increased. Access Osceola management believes that the introduction of its new list of shows will drive the ratings even higher. WayneWho was given a sneak peak at one of titles that they think will be great hit. The biggest production for Access Osceola so far will be a crime drama series called 'Smith Street Blues'. Fashioned after one of televisions best police dramas 'Hill Street Blues', 'Smith Street Blues' promises to deliver something.

Sunday Funny - Park Politics

A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, “All politicians are *ssholes.”

A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, “I take offense to that!”

The upset guy asks him, “Why? Are you a politician?”

“No," he replies, "I'm an *sshole.”

Kid Nation: Viva la Revolucion

Are politics a highly-evolved skill executed only by those who have put in their time, learned the procedures, and developed the experience necessary to refine this skill? Or are politics an innate part of human competition that can be performed by children with no experience in politics what so ever? Let the viewer decide.

It's Day 14 of 40 in Bonanza City, and the Book of Central Planning (aka the Pioneer Journal) opens with "The winds of change are blowing in Bonanza City." The Journal indicates that simply having been in a leadership position is not always enough to remain in a leadership position. The Journal calls for elections.

As the upcoming elections are announced, a town resident asks if they will be allowed to cast a vote for the leader of each of the districts. They are told that they will only be voting for the leader of their own district. (Hmm... These children seem to be able to handle the concepts of single member districts.) We watch as the Yellow District challenger begins practicing his professional political speech. The Green District meets as a district and decides that no one will run against their current leader. The Blue District leader physically attempts to avoid his challenger as she approaches him to announce her candidacy.

The Council calls the townspeople together, and each Council Member makes a speech on why they should be retained in office, and then call forth for challengers. There is no need for fancy qualification procedures in Bonanza City, nor any possibility of a runoff. The two pre-announced challengers for the Blue and Yellow teams step forward, as well as a "dark horse" candidate from the Red team, shocking the Red councilmember. The common thread of the incumbents' speeches is "I will work harder, please give me another chance." The best-received speech is from the Yellow challenger, who calls out his opponent for her low level of performance, and says to the town "don't tell me you are going to vote for me, tell me you agree with me." After the speeches are over, the Red incumbent tries to talk the challenger out of running by telling him that the job is not as glamorous as he might think.

The townspeople have another challenge event, and the current Town Council feels the re-election pressure as they make their decision over which reward the town will receive.

Candidates then mysteriously find large poster paper and markers and being making their political posters. Townspeople from other districts, perhaps feeling that they had no other way to express their views, begin to tear down posters of other districts' candidates that they don't want to see elected. Of course, we know that destroying political signs is a childlike behavior that would never be entertained by adults in the real world.

And that's it. The campaign season is over, with nary a sponsored debate, or any endorsements, no negative postcards, or even much door-knocking. We go to the town meeting/election, where we find that, of the three Council members up for election, one is retained, and two are replaced.

The careful WayneWho analysis of the win/loss point is as follows: The two incumbents who were voted out of office were the most vocal on positions that were contrary to the desire of the community. Those two were beaten by widely diverse challengers: one was the most vocal and polished, with a history of leadership, and the other was a virtual unknown who wanted to get his points across. The incumbent who was retained had been more passive in his governing, and thus there was not as clear of a rallying point against him. That election came down to personality decisions and less of a sense by the voters that the incumbent must be replaced at all costs.

Next week, Bonanza City deals with a trash control problem. Perhaps they will need to impose some sort of assessment (fee) to control and dispose of the city's refuse.

Building A Better Fee

In an effort to stave off the onslaught of tax relief attempts by the State of Florida legislature and Governor Charlie Crist, the City of Kissimmee has put the finishing touches on a new 'fee' that will ensure economic stability for the city government for years to come. While other 'fees' and taxes have generated negative responses from those forced to pay them, this new 'fee' promises to upset only a small but growing segment of our local community.

The new 'fee', originally dubbed the "Homeless Impact Fee" which will be renamed before the final vote, is designed to address the added impact and long term cost that the homeless community creates. "The homeless are an inevitable result of our current predatory growth practices that have fortunately prevailed in our community for the past several years," noted one high level official who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "The homeless are a vitally important and an integral part of our society because they serve as an example to the rest of society what happens when you fail to embrace benevolent government policies." Government officials acknowledge that the expense created by working to maintain the current homeless populations to be an example for others has increased rapidly over the past several years. The new 'fee' that will be charged to those who are homeless, are about to become homeless, or who benefit from panhandling will help to offset this expense. "We believe that this 'fee' will serve as a model for other communities to enact to help maintain their own homeless populations."

Building a better fee is not always as easy as it looks some administration officials have acknowledge. Some organizations were outraged by the name of the ordinance and demanded that the word "homeless" be changed to a term that bestowed dignity instead of dread. A consultant for the homeless made the simple claim that "Just because someone lacks a roof over their head does not mean they deserve the title 'homeless.' Being at home is a state of mind and who are we to judge who is or isn't homed in their own mind." Other terms that have been discussed for the ordinance are undwelled, unhomed, shelter challenged, and the perpetually out-of-doors. Right now, it seems that many are leaning towards the term undwelled or "Undwelled Impact Fee", which also seems to work for the new "Undwelled Bathing Station" that will be under construction very shortly.

"Banding" Together

In an effort to find an alternate source of money that can be used in the city's never ending quest to become an All-America City pageant winner, the City of Kissimmee is rolling out its new awareness funding scheme. The City has decided to launch a "KissimmeeStong" campaign to not only raise the needed money to compete and enjoy a few days at Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida, but to also raise awareness about the critical issues facing our beloved community. "We were just surfing the net and we saw these bands, and we were like, yeah, you know, we can do that," stated a source that did not want to be identified.

Initial reports indicate that the "KissimmeeStrong" pageant award ReminderBands will be available in the color of "Stunned Orange" with embossed lettering that will reflect the "KissimmeeStrong" message. "It's all for a good cause," reflected one high level official. "We figure that if nobody buys them, we can just pass an ordinance that mandates citizens to wear them. This way we make money on the bands, and even more money on the enforcement fines if you are busted not wearing one. It's perfect because it's not a tax, or a fee, and they can't say sh** about it."

Other ideas have been tossed around the city after the successful deployment of the "KissimmeeStrong" bands for other causes and reminders that could be used to generate income. One of the ideas that insiders gave the WayneWho staff a sneak peak at was the "Fire Fee Payment Day" ReminderBand. Sunset Sage with yellow wording make this ReminderBand a real keeper and a late fee saver.

In The Race

The Kissimmee City Commission took up the issue of funding the 2008 All-America City entry themselves, after Osceola County declined to continue with the funding process last week.

The opening salvo was interesting. In the early afternoon news, WFTV reported on the agenda issue. The City PIO took the position that the runner-up status in 2007 and a potential win in 2008 were a good marketing tool for the city. Meanwhile, City Commissioner Carlos Irizarry called the entry a "waste of money" and said that we had "Mickey Mouse" to draw people to the area. WFTV did their homework, contacting the Osceola County Economic Development Department to gauge any impact (none shown), as well as Polk County, a 2007 winner (data inconclusive). WFTV also noted thatlast year's competition costs would have paid for almost 3 police patrol cars. Yes, we know that police cars come out of a different funding source than tourism junkets.

The debate on the issue of funding the award pursuit was somewhat lively during the commission meeting as Commissioner Irizarry stayed on message and continued to support a curtail in government spending. The rest of the commission pushed to pass the expense item with a small caveat that they would seek private (business) donors to fund the actual competition participation, should the city be selected as a finalist. And with a 4 to 1 vote the City of Kissimmee is again in the race for the All American City award. Perhaps some of our rapidly-expanding payday extension service institutions will want to contribute to the ..."Kissimmee... Your OK with us."

All Good?

In an editorial this past Sunday, the Osceola News Gazette has declared that the dust has settled for the special election between Tom Griffin and Wade Davis with Mr. Griffin being elected to the St. Cloud council seat. We agree that Mr. Griffin deserves congratulations on his hard-fought victory and that the residents of St. Cloud also deserve a round of applause for the high voter turn out and participation in the election. We do not feel, however, that this should be then end of the discussion on this election. The dust has not really settled on some of the dark issues that were raised during these campaigns.

One of the issues that was raised, that has not been addressed, is that of a school board member threatening a candidate if they did not go along with a development project. There was also confirmation by several candidates that the developer of the same project of interest to the school board, was shopping candidates with the promise of campaign contributions for a favorable nod on the project. The WayneWho Staff finds it odd that the same news organization that reported these revelations would now act like nothing ever happened.

We feel that the citizens of St. Cloud made the right call in their choice to fill the vacancy, but we firmly believe that the local election process has been shown to be tainted at best. Along with getting back to the business at hand, all local governments should be taking a long hard look at election and ethics reforms. Reports of problems election after election continually remove doubt on our elections being fair and in the best interest of the citizens whom these elections serve. Although Mr. Davis believes that large amounts of campaign contributions do not sway the integrity of a candidate, it is obvious that the voters did not feel the same way. Integrity in our election process is what gives our country its greatest strength and should not be swept under the rug because the a victor has been declared. Questions remain and answers are owed.