The cost of a logo

Earlier this year, the city briefly flirted with the idea of updating the city logo, and the cost of this update was guesstimated at $40,000. We recalled this when we were reading the Sentinel this morning.

As BrightHouse Networks prepares for the upcoming conversion to all-digital TV broadcasts, they have decided to move all of the local government access channels higher in their spectrum, potentially requiring a converter box, and changing the channel number.

As part of this change, the Access Osceola channel number appears to be changing. The city estimates that they will spend $3,400 for "new business cards and other updated items" to reflect this change.

We at WayneWho headquarters can't ever remember receiving a city employee's business card that listed the cable channel. So we suppose that it will be a very small slice of the city's employees who will require new cards.

We offer this as a comparison for our readers to come to their own conclusions as to what the cost to make a wholesale update to all of the city's printed items, should they choose to update a logo, award, or slogan
in the future.

Savvy Expenditure

The WayneWho staff finally had a chance to get together and review the Kissimmee City Commission meeting from this past Tuesday and we all had one word on our lips as we came together... "Savvy"

The word savvy is not a word we would normally use in the same sentence, paragraph, or staff prepared briefing, when it comes to our elected officials, but we have to in this case. It seems the Access Osceola staff was the recipient of the "2007 Savvy Award" presented by 3CMA (City County Communications and Marketing Association). The award was for the Kissimmee FYI program in the category of TV & Videos - Interview/Talk Show. Receiving the recognition that was bestowed by the City Commission was the Kissimmee Public Information Office staff.

We have to wonder if Access Osceola and the Kissimmee Public Information Office have merged at some point? Is Access Osceola still its own entity that is paid for by a mixture of funding, or has the city taken over the entire operation? From the meeting it appears that Access Osceola and Kissimmee Public Information Office have now become one in the same and the Taxpayers/Fee-payers of the City of Kissimmee now wholey own their own cable access channel and production studio.

The city had also purchased a remote truck for the Access Osceola/PIO team to use allowing them to bring more news to the avid Access Osceola viewers. We wonder, will the City Commission staff an Access Osceola remote truck before they staff a fire rescue vehicle?

We also have to ask if paying for a membership in the 3CMA makes the award worth more to the citizens? Again, the taxpayers have paid for a membership in an organization to be considered for an award. This All-America City-esque farcical award once again does not provide any benefit to the residents of our community that give this government their money to use in a "Savvy" and constitutional manner.

The city has also launched its very own radio station. While the WayneWho staff believes that overall this is a good expenditure of funds because of the ablility for radio signals to be broadcast during emergency situtations, while cable usually goes out, we have to question simulcasting the Access Osceola signal. Power Point slides are difficult to read on a radio.

Just to toot our own horn, the WayneWho blog received honorable mention by the 3CMA organization under the category of Communication Technology/Web Site/Reliable Un-New Source. Luckily for us, we did not have to pay the membership fee for the mention.

Fire funding

Some of the other local news sources have reported lately on various Kissimmee fire department units being idled due to staff shortages and training events.

Now that a decent percentage of the fire department's operating budget is funded by a fire fee, rather than property tax collections, we wonder if it is still valid to argue that cutbacks had to be made "because of what Tallahassee did to us."

At the same time, we know that negotiations are ongoing between the city and the firefighters' union, and whenever public safety staff negotiations are underway, regardless of where you live, information like this tends to be reported more frequently.

We call on both sides to bring forth some meaningful trend data, not just single daily statistics, and let the citizens decide if they are receiving the public safety protection they are paying for.

Pain Index

Central Floridians have a new advisory system to be aware of starting today. MetroPlan Orlando has developed a new "MetroPlan Pain Index Advisory System" that lets Central Floridians know when the agency will begin to fight for additional transportation taxes. According to the Orlando Business Journal, Kelley Teague, director of public affairs and strategic planning believes the public's "pain index" is nearing the point at which commuters soon will be more receptive to paying for transportation fixes.

Ongoing conversations at MetroPlan social club meetings, which are attended mostly by local politicians, have been centered on the fact that after years of neglect of our local transportation infrastructure, and the gridlocked traffic created by years of unmanaged and uncontrolled growth, the stage has been set to persuade voters to approve a new "Transportation Tax". MetroPlan lobbyists were quick to point out that the need for this new tax is the fault and result of the public's own anti-tax stance. The lobbyists are already predicting that because of the citizens' unwillingness to pay more in taxes that the top funding priorities for the next year will fizzle out, creating a worsening transportation system. It is this degradation in the transportation system that may finally bring in the necessary tax dollars to pay for MetroPlan's fantasy system because of the commuting pain felt by those attempting to drive on the failing system that we currently have today.

It is believed that the introduction of the new color coded pain index system will help to sway the public sentiment about the need to give additional funds for the transportation system they are already being taxed for. As sales tax and gas tax revenues drop because the average person can no longer afford much of anything, MetroPlan board members are quick to point out that they need to find a way to replace the shortfall in funding.

The initial Pain Index alert color has been set to Yellow - or Elevated - as the new monitoring system is launched. "Our hope is that as the Holiday and tourist traffic increases, the alert status, and the pain felt by drivers, will increase to the point that we can finally get paid," noted one MetroPlan social club member close to the story.

Sunday Funny - The Hit & Run Case

A very prominent politician parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The politician immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the politician started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the politician finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you politicians are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the politician.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the politician. "Where's my Rolex!"

Kid Nation: Let Me Talk!

The theme of this week's Kid Nation show is supposed to be about respect, but it is really about the transition of power.

As we learned last week, a vote of dissatisfaction over the Town Council's performance led to an election. Rather than the last Kid Nation election, complete with campaign, we start the episode this week with the opponents giving speeches, followed immediately by the election. Three of the councilmembers run for election, and one drops out. All of the incumbents are defeated (which appears to be a common theme this year, whether you are a member of Kid Nation or Adult Nation).

Along the way, we hear from each of the outgoing councilmembers, who all say "I loved this job." Many of them talk about how they liked the feeling of importance, and being involved in the center of their community.

The incoming councilmembers don't seem to have the key to the room where the Journal of Staff Backup is located, so they have a meeting where they seemingly decide on their own that the biggest issue facing Bonanza City is respect among the townspeople. We quickly find, however, that the new council members have the same problems with respect that they find among the townspeople, including eavesdropping on a meeting of one district's team members, and threatening to withhold the weekly gold star from those who don't cooperate with the council's plans. At the same time, the new council declares that it is their goal to be the best council ever.

After a very frank town meeting, the most vocal new council member admits that he sees the townspeoples' perspective on his behavior and that he will work to change. After the council awards the gold star to one of the recently retired council members, it appears that the rift is healed.

Next week, we learn whether the occupants of Kid Nation can set up an educational system.

Name That Landmark

The Chicago Tribune reports that the City of Chicago has paid $285,000 for a marketing group to study whether the city can sell naming rights to some of their well-known landmarks to raise funds for the city. Consider the "Lowe's Chicago El," the "Microsoft Magnificent Mile," or the "Old Navy Pier."

What do you suppose we could get for the "You're OK With Us Boat Launch" or the "Aquafina Fountain?"

Swan Pardons Turkey

In a rare move for a local government official, Kissimmee Mayor Jim Swan gave a full Mayoral pardon to one lucky local turkey who, it is rumored, ran afoul of the law recently. According to Kissimmee Police Department reports, Thomas Wilks Turkey had been arrested, tried, and convicted of several attacks on unsuspecting movie goers at local movie theater in the new LOOP strip shopping center. Multiple victims with bloodshot glazed over eyes recounted tales of horror of how Mr. Turkey attacked them while they were waiting at the movie theater. His conviction lead to a sentencing of death by lethal deep frying which, so far, has not been challenged as cruel and unusual punishment by civil liberties groups.

After several appeals by court appointed attorneys, Mr. Turkey was finally scheduled to be executed on November 22, 2007, which just happened to be Thanksgiving Day.

Recent evidence had surfaced that discounted the original version of events of the victims. Evidence has been rumored to show the victims could possibly have been under the influence of some type of substance and may be guilty themselves of LUI or LOOP’ing Under the Influence.

With this new evidence coming to the light, Kissimmee Mayor Jim Swan granted a full pardon to Mr. Turkey.

Mr. Turkey had been close-lipped about the entire incident, seemingly unaware of the seriousness of the charges. After the pardoning ceremony, Mr. Turkey said “In a gesture of reconciliation and goodwill for this magnanimous act, I am encouraging all turkeys to vote Republican in the 2008 City of Kissimmee Elections. It may be the only votes they can get."

Top ten ways you know it is Thanksgiving at City Hall

10) The discussion centers around the installation of a gravy fountain.

9) At least a dozen people are passed out from too much "Good-ole Boy Punch".

8) Commissioner Gemskie won't leave because there is free food.

7) The commissioners blame the sleeping audience on Tryptophan.

6) With all of the budget cuts the Thanksgiving meal consists of the attractively priced combo meals at Taco Bell.

5) Access Osceola runs Osceola County Extension office cooking special marathon.

4) The "Air Usage Fee" becomes reality with a lucky break of the wishbone.

3) The entire budget is dependent on the Black Friday sales at Walmart.

2) Consultant advises that in the current market it is better for the city to lease the turkey instead of buying one.

1) Meals-On-Wheels shortage is finally solved.

Turkey Pay

With the possibility of losing more tax revenues because of the State of Florida's efforts to control out of control tax and spend policies of local governments, the City of Kissimmee is taking an innovative measure to protect their funding. Over the next several days, several departments will shut down for the Thanksgiving Holiday Season and re-open as a Butterball Turkey Hotline call center. The entire Public Information Office and some of the Parks and Recreation Departments have finished their "Turkey U" training and are ready to answer questions from the poultry challenged. "I don't think this will be too hard considering we are used to commissioners talking turkey all of the time," noted one employee who did not want to be identified. "Have you heard some of the questions they ask? I can handle some questions on cooking a turkey."

The Butterball Corporation is very excited at the prospect of working with not only the City of Kissimmee, but other municipalities as well. "We believe this will be a profitable win-win arrangement," noted a Butterball Turkey Talk hotline representative. "The infrastructure and technology are already in place, and we believe that it is possible to train the staff on the basics of Turkey preparations. They ain't going to be no Martha Stewart, but they should be able to handle the basics."

The original plan was to have City Commissioners help work the Turkey Talk hotline, but then it was discovered they had a hard time reading from prepared scripts, so the idea was quickly modified to involve the City staff. "I will be a cheerleader for the Turkey Talkers," noted one commissioner while another noted an affinity for the mystical Turducken holiday favorite.

It appears that for now, the City funding crisis has been averted. Gobble... Gobble...

Kid Nation: Not Even Close To Fair

This week in Kid Nation is all about equality. We begin the show with the observation that members of one of the districts have won the majority of the gold stars, and that some townspeople just don't seem to want to do their jobs. The Town Council, in their weekly tradition, consults the Journal of Governing Plans, which tells them to mix up the districts. As they leave the journal meeting, the Council is split 50-50 on whether to mix up the districts.

By the time the Council appears before the town to tell them they have read the Journal (to many audible groans...the townspeople know that the Journal is really in charge), the Council is now split 3-1 on dividing up the districts. So the 3 Council members who support the plan each swap one district member, managing to insult many of their current district members in the process. Only the Green district, with the most gold star winners, declines to participate. The Council member who originally opposed the trade, and then decided to participate, is roundly vilified by his district members and breaks down in tears. Another Council member is heard to say that if he had a time machine and could go back to the last election, he would not have run.

What we observed in this episode was that 2 of the 3 district members traded had opportunities to change or improve their position within their new districts, with one going on to win the gold star for the week. But for their attempts to artificially force some type of equality among their town, all of the Council members received a great amount of criticism from the town as a whole. The host, after seeing that the majority of the town indicated that they were displeased with how the Town Council was performing, calls for another round of elections, and in this round, even the Green district (who was unopposed in the last election, and kept her district intact during the trade) faces an opponent. Facial expressions give away the dismay the Council members feel when they realize that in each case they are being opposed by townspeople who are well-known and well-liked in the community.

Next week, we will see if campaign tactics have changed now that it doesn't appear to pay to be the incumbent.

On strike: Day 12

Kissimmee, FL - Access Osceola officials will ask the City of Kissimmee and Osceola County governments to contact the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to start the process of declaring a local state of emergency because of the tremendous hardships that have been created by lack of writing staff who are now on Day 12 of an ongoing strike. The lack of writers has created a situation where public information officials are left to piece together government subsidized entertainment venues in order to keep the local government access channel alive. "It has been a tough 12 days, but I think we have put together some material that Access Osceola viewers will watch," noted one Access Osceola manager.

Access Osceola viewers on the other side, have not been amused by the change in programming. "This week, they had an FYI episode on why you should eat squash, and how to cook it," besmirched one avid viewer. "I am not sure why we are paying these people to put on a show about cooking squash when we have the Food Network that can really show you some good stuff. Maybe our taxes should pay for some better shows or at least put some new people on the show instead of the same people week after week."

Unfortunately for viewers who would normally be glued to the local government access channel to catch their favorite episodes of "The Fountain" or "Tax or No Tax", it looks like they won't be so lucky. With the public information departments being stretched to the breaking point, they are having to chose between patching together "Squash" episodes, or dealing with true public concerns. No public information staffers could be found this week when a local news station broke a story on the dangerously low personnel levels at the Kissimmee Fire Department. According to the Channel 9 news report, staffing levels are so low at the Kissimmee Fire Department that one of the rescue vehicles has been going unmanned for much of the time. Public information representatives could not be found for comment because they were too busy working on possible Commission Comments for upcoming meetings. "We have had to cancel a few meetings just so we can get caught up on writing down what commissioners are supposed to say," blurted out a tired looking public information staffer. "The commissioners need time to learn their lines."

The disaster declaration and FEMA assistance would open up travel trailers and $15,000 in rental assistance for those who may have lost their homes due to the writers strike. We have been assured that the disaster declaration will not hamper upcoming birthday celebrations.

Fighting speed with plastic

Local news media recently carried the story of the Windsor, CO Police Department, which has become the latest police department to use a stand-in to combat speeding drivers. In this case, they use a life-size plastic cutout of one of their officers holding a radar gun. Only as drivers pass by do they notice that the "officer" is slightly thicker than a popsicle stick.

As seen on TV, the officer simply takes his cutout, places it along a stretch of road, and then moves on to another location, where he does traffic enforcement for real.

We think there is some potential here, although we would suggest alternating real and cut-out officers at each location...better to keep drivers guessing.

We were also about to suggest that perhaps local businesses would like to get their own cut-outs, but we recall the story earlier in the year of a little old lady somewhere in Central Florida who rigged up her own radar gun to activate a flashing yellow light when speeders went by. As we recall the story, she was cited for violating some law or ordinance regarding traffic control devices. So in the meantime, if you're concerned about traffic enforcement (even if you're an outsourced blogger living elsewhere), perhaps you could make a donation to the city to allow them to get some "plastic officers."

Fountains, Fountains... Everywhere

We recently stumbled across this article from the St. Petersburg Times. Go ahead and read it, we'll wait.

Click Here For Article

You're back?

It seems that Tampa has found the maintenance costs of fountains to be worrisome. Not once, but twice. First, they received a donated sculptural fountain to go outside the Tampa Convention Center in 1991. By 2000, after spending $250,000 over 9 years to maintain it, they returned it to the developer who donated it.

Now they face the maintenance costs for a water fountain built by the Department of Transportation, who is turning over ownership and ongoing maintenance to the city.

Do you suppose it would be wishful thinking to say that "the third time's the charm?"

We Said Lower Prices!

Here at WayneWho HQ, we're not sure we feel so great about having two WalMart stories in one week, but here goes anyway.

It seems that WalMart Stores Inc. recently sent a memo to its outside law firms announcing a "moratorium on across-the-board rate increases." In other words, WalMart told their lawyers that they would not accept any increases in billing rates.

One response posted to the news said "Sending such memos is amusing and I suspect that most firms will just ignore it."

This is an interesting strategy, though...telling those who you buy products or services from in advance that you will not accept a rate increase from them. We wonder what other organizations that dominate their respective markets, whether locally or nationally, might soon use this as a cost-cutting measure.

Kid Nation: Starved for Entertainment

Well, on Kid Nation this week, we learned that adding arts & entertainment to the town's schedule doesn't really make for compelling television. We can sum it up like this: the townspeople were bored, the townspeople decided to demand some form of community activity, and the Town Council (after consulting the Journal of Town Management, of course) came up with a talent show.

Perhaps "reality television" won't really help the networks fill their schedules while the writers' strike continues. We might have to go back to watching commission meetings. We understand from today's Sentinel that there is a local teen who will be producing a reality show, which has already been picked up by the local access channel in ORANGE County. Hopefully he'll have a web-based version for local viewers.

Property Taxes: Duty or Burden?

At WayneWho headquarters, we usually dismiss the idea of taking content from another provider and just throwing it up on our blog. In this case, we were reading the letters to the editor in the Wall Street Journal and thought that the letter writers presented a reasoned debate (we think the editors probably thought so as well), so we wanted to put it out there for local discussion.

The article that originally spawned the discussion was over a technique Wal-Mart uses, which is to hire consultants/accountants/attorneys to structure their company in each state to best reduce their property taxes.

Letter #1
I find it interesting that the federal government and high tax states constantly have to fight taxpayers who utilize tax shelters. Instead of wasting taxpayer dollars chasing down abusive tax shelters, maybe they should look at the tax laws of states such as Delaware that apparently don't have the same problems. The common thread here isn't the companies that rightfully attempt to minimize their own taxes, but the high tax rates that cause them to reduce their tax burden.

Wal-Mart should be applauded for cutting their effective tax rates in half because those savings are passed through to shareholders in higher stock value and to customers as lower prices. Contrary to what tax authorities would like us to believe, companies don't pay taxes; consumers do. As Judge Learned Hand once wrote: "Anyone may so arrange his affairs that his taxes shall be as low as possible; he is not bound to choose that pattern which will best pay the Treasury; there is not even a patriotic duty to increase one's taxes."

(Writer's name deleted by WayneWho staff)
Elko, Minn.

Letter #2
I have worked as a tax attorney in state government, and I buy, without hesitation, the argument that it's nobody's patriotic duty to pay any more in taxes than what the law requires. However, it turns my stomach that there are so many institutions playing very fast and loose with "what the law requires." Sham transactions like the various Wal-Mart examples you wrote about are in plentiful supply. The law is what it is, and Wal-Mart and others and their Ernst & Young enablers aren't above it. I would like to pay whatever amount of taxes I feel like paying too, but our system isn't founded on vigilante justice.

Now maybe you can help the general public start connecting the dots. When people and businesses don't pay their fair share of taxes - to the tune of multiple millions of dollars - there's less money coming in to run the state. That means tax rates need to go up to generate the revenue to pay for building and maintaining those silly little things like roads and bridges and schools and prisons that people take for granted. Or else they don't get built or maintained, and things like bridges collapsing into rivers and our kids' leaking, mold-infested schools should come as no surprise to anyone.

Oliver Wendell Holmes got it right when he said "Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society."

(Writer's name deleted by WayneWho staff)
West Hartford, Conn.

On Strike!

Local Access Osceola writers took to the sidewalks yesterday after last-ditch bargaining failed to avert the first industry wide screen writers strike in 19 years. Just after midnight the unionized writers walked away from their ergonomically safe writing areas in a show of solidarity. Garbage trucks and city maintenance vehicles freely crossed the picket lines as city government continued to function quelling the hope that a strong show of support by Kissimmee's blue-collar workers would heighten the strike's effect.

As was feared, production efforts at the Access Osceola studios came to an unenergetic halt. Shows like "Two and a half Commissioners" and "Code Enforcement Minds" quickly stopped production and new public information slides were quickly created. "I am glad this strike happened when it did, because we have been out of good ideas for about three months now," said one of the writers as he grabbed a bottled water and a Frisbee and headed for the picket line.

Access Osceola favorites such as the hit governmental comedy "Kissimmee City Commission Meeting" and "Kissimmee FYI" will not experience any type of slow down in their production cycle. "It takes a different type of writer to write this kind of stuff," noted one producer, "We are just glad that our writers are not in a union and have no way to demand fair treatment." There was some talk at Access Osceola headquarters about Commission Meeting re-runs or using old commission meetings to create a commission retrospective show, but in the end it was decided that would require to much effort.

As the strike drags on, the WayneWho staff will do our best to fill in the emptiness with our own brand of un-news. Our writers work for snicker doodles only care about receiving comments on their posts, so it is pretty easy to keep them happy. We know this strike will be tough, but together we can get through it. Good luck.

Around Town

With the nice fall weather the last few days, the WayneWho crew was out running errands and made some notes.

The Martin Luther King Phase II project seems to be clipping along at a good pace. We recall seeing something when the bid was awarded about the entire project taking somewhere around 440 days, and by the looks of it they'll be done with time to spare. We wonder if there is any correlation between the speedy construction and the article in the Sentinel today about how suddenly school districts are finding more bidders and lower costs for new buildings due to the downturn in the construction industry. Regardless, congratulations to those who got the fast project pace into the contract.

We noted not one, but two signs announcing the upcoming opening of a steak and seafood restaurant in the (former) Safari Café building on 192. This is notable in light of the many restaurants that have closed on that same stretch, and we wish them well. We don't know anything about the particulars of that building, but we have watched it sit empty, but well maintained, for years now. We wonder if the building owner has been saddled with a number of lease commitments that never led to an open restaurant, or if it just took that long to find a tenant willing to open there. In either case, again, with it being a well-maintained building within eyesight of the end of the BeautiVacation corridor, the amount of time it sat vacant is a cautionary tale for any who think that 192 will bounce back as quickly as it fell, or that the mere existence of available buildings on that corridor will invite new businesses to move in.

We don't know if it's because this past week was the last of the month/first of the month, but it seems all of a sudden that the "For Lease" signs are out in force on commercial properties throughout the city. Much in the same way that earlier this year the residential real estate signs started multiplying (and they continue to), but now with commercial properties...we wonder where the businesses (and the jobs) are going.

We started on a congratulatory note, and we'll end on one. A round of applause to the local business community, who worked with the City Manager's office to come up with a relief fund for the business and nonprofit properties that ended up paying more, not less, under the new fire fee structure. That's a good example of working together to get something done.

Kid Nation: The Root of All Evil

It's Day 20 through 22 in Bonanza City...we're past the halfway mark now. The episode title obviously references money, but you have to work to tie all of the subplots together, other than each has something to do with money. We choose to analyze them separately.

Some of the townspeople suffer from a combination of boredom and lack of funds, and perhaps a little bit of the entrepreneurial bug. One resident decides to set up a snack bar, charging nickels for prepared snacks. Unfortunately, the townspeople react poorly, as she is charging for the preparation and serving of food materials that are available for free in the town kitchen. One of her teammates tries to put her out of business by starting a competing snack stand with lower prices, but that ends up being more protest than business. Later in the episode, he becomes a business success in Bonanza City by making custom necklaces with names and slogans burned into wood with a magnifying glass and the sun. He takes the proceeds from his venture to the town store, where he buys an outfit that can best be described as "Wild West Pimp."

The Journal of How to Run Bonanza City directs the Town Council to a treasure chest hidden in a cave outside town. The treasure chest turns out to contain coins equal to the entire town's payroll for a week. The Town Council debates among themselves how to best distribute their newfound wealth, worrying that giving cash to the individual townspeople will cause them to spend recklessly. The Council ultimately decide to spend the cash on items to be used by the entire community, such as sports equipment and musical instruments.

To demonstrate how money-hungry the townspeople are, one of the cooks whips up a batch of fake vomit, and drops $0.50 in the bottom of the pot. She walks to the center of town with a story about how the money got into the pot of disgusting, undefined contents. In TV time, it takes mere seconds for 10 kids to start feeling around in the pot for the loose change.

After successfully completing the weekly competition, the town is faced with a choice for their weekly reward. Up to now, they have been washing clothes by hand with a washboard. They can have new automatic washing machines, at a cost of $0.20 per load, or they can each have one new clothing outfit and old-fashioned hand-run wringer machines that can be used for free. The Council debates and solicits citizen input, including words from those who would have to spend more than their weekly salary to wash clothes in the fancy machines, and select the new clothes/old machines option, to great support from the townsfolk. One of the townspeople comments on how he appreciates that the Council selected the option that allowed him to keep his money in his pocket.

Finally, now that the newness and shock of the weekly $20,000 gold star award has worn off, we see that some of the townspeople have begun to openly campaign for the gold star, even going as far as to make campaign posters. The Town Council now solicits nominations from each of the townspeople on who might be an appropriate winner for the week. At least this week, those who self-promote, either to the town or the Council, lose out to the nominee who diligently works in the background without any self-promotion. Next
week, apparently the gold star winner will be decided by talent show.

Mr. Nice for Mayor

The WayneWho staff stumbled across a great article in the Associated Press on a story in Duluth, Minnesota. It seems that Duluth residents are not all that happy with their choices for Mayor, but now they may have a real choice, that is if they are willing to elect a 30 year old blue felt puppet.

Jim and Allen Richardson, who wrote a commentary book called "Gonzo Science", say they decided to enter Mr. Nice in the race even though they aren't thrilled about participating in the arena of "politics as usual." They believe that Mr. Nice brings experience and diversity to the campaign. Mr. Nice is the only non-white candidate running, and has the most experience at being a puppet. He also holds a job as a Puppet Activist which he believes will help spread the word about his candidacy.

Mr. Nice will be having a campaign rally this Saturday at Washington Galleries in Duluth which will feature a puppet debate along with an art show. Mr. Nice has noted that he will give the "speech of his life."

His human opponents are City Councilors Don Ness and Charlie Bell, who was the runner-up in the mayor's race four years ago. Rumor has it that they are not happy about the competition, and are working together to slow down the campaign of Mr. Nice.

The WayneWho staff will watch this race closely to see how well Mr. Nice is able to do during his campaign. You never know where you might see other puppet political newcomers show up on the ballot.

We're in the wrong line of work

Tuesday's business section revealed that nature-based tourism is the new focus (fad) for Osceola tourism officials, and the article went into great detail about trying to attract visitors from Spain who would want to come to Lake Toho to fish for bass. Talk about a defined market segment!

What left a lasting impression, though, is that the Convention and Visitors Bureau funds an "official outdoors spokesman," whose responsibilities apparently consist of marketing Kissimmee/Osceola County while competing in fishing tournaments, complete with a truck, boat, and clothing emblazoned with tourism logos, even in such faraway places as Spain. We're sure that he is a skilled fisherman, and very outgoing and engaging, everything you would want from someone who is a marketing representative. The CVB has apparently had this relationship for eight years, and the current annual budget for this outdoors ambassador is $400,000 per year. We're sure that includes travel expenses and bait and lures, but our reaction is still ...wow ...maybe it is time to cut bait. "Anecdotally we think it's been a success" says a CVB representative.

Which leads us to ask...does the CVB have any more targeted market segments defined? Potential tourists from the Ukraine that like to bowl? Visitors from Siberia that have an interest in juggling chainsaws? If you have other target markets, how can we sign up to be the representative who pursues them?