Resistance is Futile

Economic development party planners have released the hint that there is a new project in the works. Project 'Borg' is being being heralded as a major win for Kissimmee and surrounding Osceola County residents. Although only sketchy details were being released, it appears that the Kissimmee City Commission has approved plans for a 30 foot high 'cube' shaped fountain that has a hidden doorway that allows park visitors to enter. The 'cube' was reportedly designed by a hive drone who rumor has it was given the Borg name of 'JEFRË' upon assimilation into the collective. Reports from insiders have revealed that the intent of Project 'Borg' is to turn average citizens into government yes-men drones which would eliminate the need for local governments to produced effective results. The 'cube' promises to make even the most tax exhausted citizen a happy and chipper part of the team. The hive mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Of course this story could be a cover story that has been leaked to throw local bloggers off the track of the real story. We have also heard rumors from other sources that the 'Cube' called 'Rain' is actually a continuation of the round-a-bout homeless bathing station that came under fire over the past couple of years. The new design was commissioned to attract the dwelling challenged using rhythmical water patterns and the smell of chicken wings. At certain points the water fountain would sense the presence of the un-homed and slow its water flow to a trickle allowing for the perpetually out-of-doors to enter into the self cleaning shower facility. Once inside, the 'cube' would facilitate the scrubbing and cleaning of those who had stepped inside. Park visitors on the outside would never be aware that just a few feet from their gaze were people being showered like the scrub-down scene in the movie SilkWood.

This is probably just another false story.

Of course the editors at the Osceola News-Gazette have endorsed the building of 'Rain' and spending $750,000 because they believe it is not a waste of money. Their argument is that during the long and painfully economic recovery ahead, spending money on a project like this is justified because "Many cities and towns have their fountains and public places that are centerpieces of attention" and they believe that in time people will be saying "Meet me at the cube." That is logic that we can just not argue. We are not even sure where to begin. That funny part is that we were not even going to debate about the 'Cube' bathing system. We planned to have some fun with it, but as we get older we realize that our vision of classic art is very different from the younger generations. If water flowing over a block is a big deal to people who will spend money in the downtown, then we say build it. Just don't make up a bunch of lame arguments like building the 'cube' is going to create jobs or that building the 'cube' is somehow akin to 'The New Deal' from the Great Depression Era. These arguments are moronic at best. What the Lakefront Project and the 'Cube' represent are the non-existent backyards of those who live in high density areas. This is a chance for those in condos and apartments to have some green space of their own. The WayneWho staff doesn't think you need any more of a sales pitch than that. Besides, resistance if futile.