Earth Dozer

The WayneWho staff hopes that you enjoyed your Earth Day celebrations yesterday and that your eco-guilt level has been reset to zero for another year. While we all believe that protecting our planet is important, we have become very discouraged with the 'Hallmark' holiday feel that Earth Day has taken on. From the national level on down to our local community, Earth Day has become nothing more than an opportunity for sales pitches about half-baked policies and products that amount to little more than good old fashion snake oil. Earth Day, Earth Friendly, Green, and Clean are all new marketing adjectives that amount to little more than eco-guilt pacifying fluff we wrap ourselves in to feel like we are doing something positive, even though we all know we are not doing what we should. While marketing is about exploiting ideas that illicit a reaction to make a purchase, the WayneWho staff thinks this is not the way to help correct the environmental damage that has been done to our planet. Slapping the nomenclature of Eco-Sustainable or Green on something to turn a quick buck will do nothing to help our planet.

With that being said, we received a strange invitation yesterday in the middle of soothing our eco-guilt that screamed of 'Green' marketing gone awry. Our staff was invited to attend an "Earth Day at the Osceola Branch of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Central Florida Osceola." We thought to ourselves, a chance to help locally and planetarialy all in one stop? Great, we are on board and we can be home in time to watch Matlock. Then we noticed this event was being billed as "The Community of Destiny and the children of Boys & Girls Club give back to Mother Earth." Wow, that is an eco-guilt trip and a half.

While we noticed that there were going to be some guest speakers, we realized that not one of the speakers was versed in the effects of climate change or, for that matter, the importance of the Boys & Girls Clubs in our community. Basically they were going to have the heads of corporations talking about the pretend world of green building, water taxis, and thousands of magical jobs in compost management that MIGHT be created if the Destiny housing development is allowed to be built. We heard the event was kinda-sort-of cool because Destiny unveiled its environmentally safe Earth-Dozer that they would be using to tear at the flesh of good old Mother Earth. Ripping up sensitive Florida lands would allow them to snap together their clean slate city of tract homes and uppity coffee shops. We heard the Green Earth Dozer was a big hit with the kids when they used it to crush an old 76' Chevy Nova because it was not Earth Friendly. This despite the fact that the Nova used to get 16 mpg before the days of ethanol and was actually better on the environment than may of the vehicles on the road today. Never mind that nonsense, crush it with the Earth Dozer and you will save the planet. We think that old-car crushing will be all the rage at next year's Earth Day celebration.

Capital Budgetmania 2009

Make sure you tune in tonight or set your Tivo up to record a Budget Battle Royal like never before. Tonight on the city's own Pay-Per-Resident channel, legends of the capital budget world will face off in matches the fans never thought possible. Titans of the tax expenditure arena will fight to the death in this once-in-a-lifetime no-holds-barred contest for your tax money. Strap in viewers, it is going to be a long and bloody night.

The night will start with an explosive match between the tag team darlings of the commission, the stealthy Public Information Office and the High Tech Access Osceola combination vs. the Cyclopean Civic Center. The often publicly whipped Civic Center will leave it all out on the mat as they work to crush the high tech funding of the rarely seen TV station team. Tempers will flare as the Civic Center team puts forward the one piece of fact that will make the TV Station team quiver in fear, "How many residents are you actually serving and what kind of revenue do you generate, because we have a computer that tracks every dime and every person that walks through our door?" Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Don't miss it!

Another match that you won't want to miss will be the fledgling city staff team vs. the gargantuan KUA Killers. The KUA team is looking to keep its revenues to dole out more management pay raises and special events' funding instead of providing cost effective power to our local governments and our residents. The KUA Killers have left the carnage of their opponents on the mats at the county and the school board, and now their greedy sights are set on the staff at the City of Kissimmee. Even though the city technically owns KUA, the public-private utility upper management knows the more of the staff they can take out at the city, the bigger their bonus checks will be. Boom Baby! This will be a night you won't soon forget.

As City of Kissimmee Commissioner Art Ortero would say live and on the air, "Let's Get Ready To Rumble!"

Overdue

The Osceola News-Gazette published and editorial titled "Reviewing job titles overdue" this past weekend, which basically states that an independent audit of county positions, job titles, and salaries is overdue. While we are glad that government, as well as the Osceola News-Gazette, is finally leaning towards a fiscally responsible sized government, we think the slowness of government action in the face of this economic crisis demands a much harsher criticism than 'overdue'. It is not like government has neglected to return the book 'Romeo and Juliet' to its local overstaffed library which has lead to an overdue notice being generated. Government has delayed its reaction to this crisis by almost a full year which has cost the taxpayers of our community millions of dollars. The title by the shadow editor should have been 'Delay in reviewing job titles act of nonfeasance' because there was a failure to act even when a clear and ethical duty to act existed.

While we do applaud the Osceola News-Gazette for taking a brave and unpopular stance of pointing out the clear and inappropriate delay in action of our local county government, we would have hoped for a little bit more fervor in their writing that expressed the feelings of their local readership. We would have also hoped that they would have outlined more items of government that are 'overdue' for a discussion. Growth and zoning policies, excessive taxes and user fees, and governments' continued reach into the private sector markets. Drastic cuts to the sacred entitlement programs like the CVB or the Economic Development squad are also long overdue and should be on the table. We have yet to see an accurate report card of the failures or successes of these organizations to date and the taxpayers would like some answers. We have been forced, during these rough economic times, to stand on the sidelines and watch them throw money into the wind, so why not set up a little real Q&A in a real town hall style meeting. Again the WayneWho staff has to say that we think 'Overdue' is an overdue understatement.

Hispanics Hate Cattle?

This past week's City of Kissimmee Commission meeting was an eye-opener to anyone who might have watched it. First we learned that with no votes being cast, the city has converted itself to a strong Mayor form of government. After the majority of the commission had already decided on voting on an ordinance to curb cellphone abuse during commission meetings, Mayor Swan hijacked the process and guided the commission into passing a cream puff policy that will allow the abuses to continue. "The bottom line is after our meeting two weeks ago, I was kind of embarrassed personally and for we as the commission," Swan said Tuesday. "I just hate the thought having to have an ordinance to tell us we ought to act in a professional manner and we ought to take time away from our personal affairs to do the people’s business in the people’s house." That was the whole point Mr. Mayor. Some of the commissioners are less concerned with the people's business and more with what they should say to win re-election. The electronic devices also create a 'transparency' issue that should have been considered more strongly as a matter of policy.

The second eye-opener was a discussion by Commissioner Irizarry about some promotional videos that are available from the city's website. His argument was that the first video that depicts Kissimmee as a place with a "charming atmosphere" complete with bass fishing on the lakes, hospitals, historic neighborhoods, an airport and a close proximity to theme parks ignores what the Hispanic community is looking for in a community to call home. In Commissioner Irizarry's words, "It’s not what I’m looking for."

Commissioner Irizarry went on to say, in an interview with the Osceola News-Gazette that "the video ignored the fact that 53 percent of the city’s population speak a language other than English, arguing that the video portrays Kissimmee as too much of the 'good old boy cow town' it used to be." Commissioner Irizarry stated in the interview, "If I don’t like cows, I’m not going to go there. If I don’t like bass, I’m not going to go there," he said.

The WayneWho staff suggests that Commissioner Irizarry should make sure to put that message on his re-election campaign mailer. "Kissimmee, I'm not going to go there." It has a nice ring and expresses exactly the type of divisive political tactics Commissioner Irizarry has used since the the start of his last election campaign. It's the 'White Good Ole Boy Cow Town' against those of us who are not white. Maybe we should remind Commissioner Irizarry that he was a champion of continuing to dilute the Hispanic vote by fighting to keep from going to districts in Osceola County when the county was in violation of federal law? Or just to break this down more simply, how does talking about cows create a racist environment?

The answer is actually very simple. Commissioner Irizarry knows nothing about government, the city he lives in, or the whole of the people he is supposed to represent. The WayneWho staff would argue that it does not make sense to attack the heritage of our community for some type of political gain. The history of our community should be learned and celebrated by all who call Kissimmee home.

As far as 'good ole boys and their cattle,' lets just have a quick history lesson. In the year 1521, Juan Ponce De Leon brought a small herd of Andalusian cattle and horses with him on his second expedition to the New World. These were the first cattle and horses to ever set foot (or hoof) on what is now the continental United States. The Spanish explorers were forced back to their ship by the Caloosa Indian warriors, and Ponce De Leon received a mortal wound. There is no record of what became of the explorers livestock, so it is imagined that these were the first cattle to ever run wild in Florida. The challenge to conquer Florida went out, and other conquistadors soon followed. These explorers brought cattle, swine, and horses. By 1700 there were over 30 privately owned ranchos in Florida. A census ordered by Spanish tax collectors reported over 20,000 cattle on the ranchos. The horses and cattle played a tremendous role in Florida history.

So the question to Commissioner Irizarry is, who really are the good ole boys who developed the cow town environment in the state of Florida? Wouldn't it actually be nice to once again have a thriving cattle or agricultural industry that provided jobs and stable incomes in an economy like this? We would also like to ask if you would have attacked the video for its content if it was your face on the video?

As for the WayneWho staff, we celebrate the people of all races who worked the lands of Florida and helped build our original economy on the cattle industry. We just hope our next set of commissioners will do a little homework before they speak and be proud of our community and all of its people.

Now Hiring

The WayneWho staff caught an interesting article in the Osceola News Gazette this past week that stated, "With the highest unemployment rate and the lowest average annual wage in Central Florida, Osceola County officials admit there’s work to be done to improve the county’s standings". The article discusses a report done by the quasi-governmental agency Workforce Central Florida where it showed the county’s average annual wage over the last two years had increased from about $30,000 to $33,332, but was still the lowest average out of the five-county region (Osceola, Orange, Lake, Sumter and Seminole counties) the tax-funded agency oversees. We assume that the author of the Gazette's article threw in this information in as a quick 'FYI' because we think that most people who are trying to live in Osceola county are already aware of how bad the situation is.

This report was in the news because it was presented last week to the Osceola County Commission who took the information more like a golf score than they did as an indicator of how critical the community's situation is. As quoted from the Gazette, from the commissioners, "the county still had work to do to help it improve its figures in comparison to the other counties." Basically they said, we don't really care about how bad it is in Osceola County as long as we do not look as bad on paper as the other counties do. To prove this Commission Chairman Quiñones championed the county's back up plan of relying on job creation outside of the county in areas like Lake Nona. Quiñones noted that "We need to do everything that we can to diversify our economy, and not depend on just one or two industries.” This explains why the commission is 100% focused on relying on the 'Lake Nona Medical Strip Mall and Car Wash' as the savior of Osceola County's economy.

The County has decided it can improve its unemployment appearance by having government agencies hire more people itself. The WayneWho staff was e-mailed an interesting link the other day that contained a link to a job posting on Monster.com for a Governmental Affairs Officer. The job listing is described as "The incumbent advocates Osceola County’s position at all jurisdictional levels as instructed by the County Manager," which means the job is basically to agree with everything the County Manager says, and then to go tell everyone else how great the County Manager's ideas are. Even if common sense tells you his ideas are bad, it is your jobs to tell everyone how great the ideas are. The job could pay upwards of $96,000 and has plenty of county benefits. That is good pay for a position that does not benefit the taxpayers in any fashion. The pay seems excessive to the WayneWho staff since we found a "HAND FED 2 YEAR OLD MALE SOLOMON ISLAND ECLECTUS. COMES WITH 2 CAGES ONE NEWER CAGE PLAYSTAND, TOYS ETC. TAME AND TALKS, GREAT BIRD, EASY KEEPER" on CraigsList.com in St. Cloud Florida for $1250.00. This sounds like a much better deal on a pet for the County Manager than $96,000 per year. We guess that depends on how much the public is willing to pay for the crackers.

Like an Old Joke

We miss the grand days when Johnny Carson ruled the Tonight Show and used a bit where he would make a statement about a generic issue, like about how 'hot' the temperature was, and the audience would instantly respond with 'How Hot Is It?' To which Johnny would come up with a funny joke about the heat and we would all laugh. The joke might be something like, "It’s so hot that I swear I just saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog." Usually the late night host would have come up with something better than our simple attempt at late night comedy, but the WayneWho staff was kinda-sorta in the mood for this style of joke after hearing some of the news coming out of Osceola County over the past couple of weeks.

It seems that Osceola County is in bad financial shape. (This is the point where you, the audience, should be saying to your computer screen "How bad is it?") It is so bad that we saw the income level of the County now qualifies the government to receive food stamps. Wait for it. Still not funny. How about, It is so bad that a long time, high paid county administrator resigned saying the county needs his salary to stay afloat. Wait for it. Yep, not funny just scary.

What we find even more scary about the fiscally prompted resignation is that there has been no response from the elected leadership to tell us whether or not our economic situation hangs on the edge of one salaried employee or if the resignation was based on mutual incompetence? And if things have gotten this bad, why did an audit just say everything was peachy? Very mixed message if you ask us. Maybe someone should start explaining.

One more try. The financial situation of the County is so bad that the new city of Destiny is changing from green construction to cardboard construction to meet the needs of future Osceola County residents. OK. Johnny Carson will always be the king of this late night bit. We will stick to un-news.

Spring Break

Well, the kids are off from school this week and it seems that the Kissimmee City Commission has decided to take the week off as well. We cannot confirm that there is no commission meeting tonight, because it seems that nothing on the city website has been updated. We checked to see if the agenda (script) for any possible meeting for tonight had been posted in advance so citizens would know what issues were going to be discussed, and we found nothing. We tried checking the minutes from last week's meeting, but we had no luck in seeing if the meeting for this week had been canceled because the minutes have not been updated since December of 2008. We would have to assume that the Commission is taking the week off to enjoy some well deserved spring break fun over on the coast. Maybe the Public Information Office can send some of their Access Osceola people over with the commissioners so we can live vicariously through their adventures. Since nobody has time to maintain the public information website, at least we could get some fun shots of commissioners bonging a beer.

We guess that maybe next week we will get a chance to hear some more in depth discussions on cell phone use during meetings, the financial health of KUA that is now draining the public coffers, and the best flavor for Tequila Jello shots. Until then we will kick around some other rocks here in the county and we will see what crawls out.

Osceola County Targeted By Virus

For many around the world this April Fools Day will be no joke at all. Millions of computers will be infected with a computer virus knows as 'Conflicker' that is set to launch some unknown style of attack today. For many computer users, today will be a day filled with anti-virus updates, screaming at Microsoft technical support, and in the most extreme cases, trips to the dumpster with the infected PC's. Not a fun day at all.

The WayneWho staff has uncovered information on an even more insidious Conflicker Worm Variant that set to launch its attacks and focus them on Osceola County Florida. This variant that has been dubbed 'Cowlick.B' and already has the hair on some technology professionals' heads, standing on end. "This is the worst threat that we have seen because it affects more than just your computer and we have no way to tame a Cowlick," noted one security professional buying Norton Anti-Virus and a comb at the local Staples.

One City of Kissimmee Commissioner, Cheryl Grieb, who had been predicting this disaster for the past several years and was thwarted in her efforts to remove 'Cowlick.B' point of origin, was upset by the news. "I knew this would happen. You put a cow on a logo and someone is going to go after you for it. It is too late now. We are all just going to have to come together so we can get through this hair crisis," stated Commissioner Grieb.

For those who are infected with the 'Cowlick.B' virus we caution against radical steps to get rid of the problem. While there is no 'Cowlick.B' removal tool on the Internet at this time, industry professionals strongly urge against using scissors to deal with the threat. The first step you should take is to consult with your stylist. Be aware that some local stylist may already be compromised and prone to 'Cowlick.B' distribution. The WayneWho staff recommends a Crisco topical hair solution to tame the unruly effects of the the 'Cowlick.B'. This old school solution seems to be the only effective method in combating this new age threat.

Be safe and April Fool's.