Earth Dozer

The WayneWho staff hopes that you enjoyed your Earth Day celebrations yesterday and that your eco-guilt level has been reset to zero for another year. While we all believe that protecting our planet is important, we have become very discouraged with the 'Hallmark' holiday feel that Earth Day has taken on. From the national level on down to our local community, Earth Day has become nothing more than an opportunity for sales pitches about half-baked policies and products that amount to little more than good old fashion snake oil. Earth Day, Earth Friendly, Green, and Clean are all new marketing adjectives that amount to little more than eco-guilt pacifying fluff we wrap ourselves in to feel like we are doing something positive, even though we all know we are not doing what we should. While marketing is about exploiting ideas that illicit a reaction to make a purchase, the WayneWho staff thinks this is not the way to help correct the environmental damage that has been done to our planet. Slapping the nomenclature of Eco-Sustainable or Green on something to turn a quick buck will do nothing to help our planet.

With that being said, we received a strange invitation yesterday in the middle of soothing our eco-guilt that screamed of 'Green' marketing gone awry. Our staff was invited to attend an "Earth Day at the Osceola Branch of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Central Florida Osceola." We thought to ourselves, a chance to help locally and planetarialy all in one stop? Great, we are on board and we can be home in time to watch Matlock. Then we noticed this event was being billed as "The Community of Destiny and the children of Boys & Girls Club give back to Mother Earth." Wow, that is an eco-guilt trip and a half.

While we noticed that there were going to be some guest speakers, we realized that not one of the speakers was versed in the effects of climate change or, for that matter, the importance of the Boys & Girls Clubs in our community. Basically they were going to have the heads of corporations talking about the pretend world of green building, water taxis, and thousands of magical jobs in compost management that MIGHT be created if the Destiny housing development is allowed to be built. We heard the event was kinda-sort-of cool because Destiny unveiled its environmentally safe Earth-Dozer that they would be using to tear at the flesh of good old Mother Earth. Ripping up sensitive Florida lands would allow them to snap together their clean slate city of tract homes and uppity coffee shops. We heard the Green Earth Dozer was a big hit with the kids when they used it to crush an old 76' Chevy Nova because it was not Earth Friendly. This despite the fact that the Nova used to get 16 mpg before the days of ethanol and was actually better on the environment than may of the vehicles on the road today. Never mind that nonsense, crush it with the Earth Dozer and you will save the planet. We think that old-car crushing will be all the rage at next year's Earth Day celebration.